Summer Solstice

The Summer Solstice marked a significant day to me. It was a new day, a new season, a new career, a new life, and a new kind of love to share moving forward with Trae. That summer our new love would only blossom into something I could only have dreamed about in the past.

My new job was awesome! That first week of work was incredible. I immediately felt acceptance with my coworkers. I loved what we did as a company. What I was most excited for was beginning to travel. I would travel to places that we had relationships with community banks and help train their branch managers on how to signup merchants for their new amazing product BaZing.com! I was so anxious to get my feet wet, but it would be months before that would happen. In the meantime, I learned and developed my skill and spent every moment I could with friends and family anticipating a heavy travel schedule to come.

During that period Trae and I went out for many date nights. We went bowling, out to dinner, Honky Tonkin, we went for rides on the Harley. It was pretty amazing. Everything was going so well, we were even throwing around ideas for short little vacations over the summer.
One of the first trips we would take would be an overnight camping trip for the 4th of July to Mammoth Cave. After years of conversing about getting into camping we finally took a big step towards our goal and purchased backpacks, a tent, and all the essentials for that night. It was a super short trip packed full of adventure! We were both so excited about this trip. We packed the backpack the night before. The next day we left a little after lunch for the hour and half road trip to Mammoth Cave on the Harley. I wore the backpack the whole way. I'm not gona lie it was pretty uncomfortable the whole way. But I toughed it out, with a little complaining here and there LOL. When we finally arrived it was about 95 degrees!!!!
We set up the tent and went to grab a bite to eat at the restaurant there. We bought some waters and decided we were going to go for a walk to the lookout. We walked about 2 miles to lookout, rested for a few mins and then headed back to camp because it would soon be dark. I kept telling him that I wanted a fire so we  grabbed some wood along the way back. Trae successfully chopped the wood LOL and we got the fire started!  We rested on the picnic table and then decided to go to sleep since we were getting up early to go zip-lining and caving. That night was one of the most miserable nights I've had trying to sleep. It was so hot that we kept our rain fly off the tent, but that made everything in the woods around us so much louder. We shared a twin size air mattress laying head to toe trying not to touch each other. But throughout the night as the temperature started to drop I became cold from sweat, I wanted a sheet and I wanted to snuggle up next to him. We did our best to sleep that night but when the sun came up 3 hrs later it was pointless. I would say we got about 2 solid hours of sleep and about 3 naps in. I was ready to shower and pack up everything before our day of adventure got started.

After breakfast we were headed to go zip-lining at Mammoth Cave Adventures. This place was really cool, they offered a lot of different things to do. We chose to do the Primary course which consisted of 5 zip lines. It was so exhilarating feeling to wind hit your face. I would definitely do this again! Afterwards we headed to go have lunch and prepare for our big cave spelunking adventure that afternoon. While sitting there waiting for our cave tour to start I began getting a little nervous. Trae reassured me that I could this and everything was going to be fine. Then my excitement started taking over. We chose the "Introduction to Caving" tour. This was a 3- 3 1/2 hour tour. They gave us all the gear we needed which even included some spiffy coveralls! We hoped on the bus and headed to our entry point. It was a metal door that lead to a flight of 280+ stairs going down about 250 ft below the surface. As we descended I began to feel the temperature change. It was dark but surprisingly dry down there.

There were no creatures lurking in the crevasses other than cave crickets which at first freaked me out because they look like large spiders, but they are harmless and blind! We made our way through the passages off the beaten path and crawled through tight spaces. But it was so much fun! We even experienced what it would be like if we ran out of our light source, and that was the scariest part of it all! It was pitch black. The darkest moment of time I've ever been in. You literally could not even see your hand in front of you. And the craziest part is that your eyes would never adjust to the darkness! As we made our way through the 2 miles of the tour crawling and climbing we soon resurfaced. I felt accomplished! I felt like I had just conquered one of my biggest fears. It was awesome and I thank Trae for awakening the outdoor adventurous side to my soul that had been tucked away since I was kid. Since those days of riding my bike in the woods, and playing in the creeks all day long those many summers ago! We grabbed our first beer of the trip, relaxed and just talked with excitement about our tour, and how we couldn't wait to go again!  Life was so amazing at that moment. I had my best friend back!

XOXO .:TMarie:.

.:A Love Worth Fighting For:.

 Everything in my world was moving along smoothly. I just had an amazing weekend in Indy. One of my best friends got engaged. I was so happy for her! One of my closest friends was in town from California to celebrate Tiffany and Jesse's engagement. I was just offered this awesome new job/ career. I was super busy with CMA Fest week. And there it was a text message that stopped me in my tracks. You know, one of those kinda of text messages you only hope for, but never see. The kind that make you question everything no matter how good your life seems. That's what I received that next week. Questions began running through my mind like "Did we do everything we could?" "Do I Love him enough to go back?" "Am I really happy with who I am with now?' "Where does a future stand in my new beginning relationship?" "I gave it my second chance already....do I try again?"
I was so confused, but trying to stay focused at work for training the new employee that was replacing  me, and trying to think logically and not with my heart this time. I was a complete mess and not to mention I was beginning one of my busiest months of the year for promotions, CMA Fest, and starting a new job. I didn't need anymore decisions on my plate and I was pretty content with how things were with Tristan. So I entertained some of the text messages and stood my ground on the fact that we had already given it a second chance just a few months ago and it just wasn't working. As much as I knew deep down that I truly loved Trae it was hard for me to walk away from being happy, for the uncertainty of another failing attempt to salvage what it was that we had for so many years.
For a week I juggled the pros and cons and had lunches, dinners, even worked countless promotions with girlfriends and all the while trying to come to some decision. When the last day I was working for CMA Fest rolled around I worked like 12 hrs that day. I was dead tired and Trae was pushing for me to tell him something, anything for that matter,  that could give him closure or hope in a future for us.  I worked that day with Tiffany, she was kinda the rock to my sanity that week. We had lunch and just talked about everything that I was feeling at that moment. So that night I decided that I needed to see where Tristan's mind was with our relationship and when his answer didn't have much clarity I then took a step back and re-evaluated everything that I was thinking. Was I making the right decision? Little did I know that would be the last time I saw Tristan.
When the fireworks began that Sunday night it was a celebration for the locals that CMA Fest was over! I was so exhausted from such an emotional and busy week. I was looking forward to the following night Monday June 11, when Trae and  I would sit down face to face to talk about everything.  We agreed to have dinner at Crow's Nest. It was the first time I had seen him in about 2 months. I was immediately overwhelmed with emotions and questions. I wanted answers, not just to the questions I was feeling, but to the questions from everything that went wrong to begin with. Answers to why it took so long, and why now, why not 2 months prior. We sat at that restaurant for 4 hours, laughing, crying, reminiscing  it was something that we had never done before. It was a conversation open to anything and everything we wanted to know about each other, whether the past or the present. He was different. His heart was not as cold or locked away like it had always been.
I could feel the genuine love that he was pouring out to me and laying everything on the line for just another chance to make me sincerely happy.  I finally got some closure that night as well. Just sitting there across the table from him I could feel my heart pounding telling me what it needed.  When he walked me to my car after dinner and put his arms around me to hug me goodbye and kissed my forehead, tears came to my eyes. I loved him so much, I wanted this to happen for so long. I told him that I needed time to think about everything tonight. He told me to do what feels right in my heart. When I drove off, I knew what that answer was, but he didn't.

 The next morning when I got work I got a text from Trae that was a simple link to a YouTube video, I had my second recruit starting so I was training two ladies at that point for my last week at Meiko. So I stepped outside to listen to it and it was Jason Mraz, "I Won't Give Up" This made my heart melt, and brought tears to me eyes. The next day Trae and I had lunch together, and then Thursday night we had dinner together. I was inevitably in love with this man and I knew that I was. I never stopped loving him. So what do you do when everything you have ever wanted is standing right in front of you? I hope that you choose to do what I did and....Take a leap of Faith! That's a Love worth fighting for!! I love you Trae Patterson!



.:XOXO TMARIE:.