.:A Love Worth Fighting For:.

 Everything in my world was moving along smoothly. I just had an amazing weekend in Indy. One of my best friends got engaged. I was so happy for her! One of my closest friends was in town from California to celebrate Tiffany and Jesse's engagement. I was just offered this awesome new job/ career. I was super busy with CMA Fest week. And there it was a text message that stopped me in my tracks. You know, one of those kinda of text messages you only hope for, but never see. The kind that make you question everything no matter how good your life seems. That's what I received that next week. Questions began running through my mind like "Did we do everything we could?" "Do I Love him enough to go back?" "Am I really happy with who I am with now?' "Where does a future stand in my new beginning relationship?" "I gave it my second chance already....do I try again?"
I was so confused, but trying to stay focused at work for training the new employee that was replacing  me, and trying to think logically and not with my heart this time. I was a complete mess and not to mention I was beginning one of my busiest months of the year for promotions, CMA Fest, and starting a new job. I didn't need anymore decisions on my plate and I was pretty content with how things were with Tristan. So I entertained some of the text messages and stood my ground on the fact that we had already given it a second chance just a few months ago and it just wasn't working. As much as I knew deep down that I truly loved Trae it was hard for me to walk away from being happy, for the uncertainty of another failing attempt to salvage what it was that we had for so many years.
For a week I juggled the pros and cons and had lunches, dinners, even worked countless promotions with girlfriends and all the while trying to come to some decision. When the last day I was working for CMA Fest rolled around I worked like 12 hrs that day. I was dead tired and Trae was pushing for me to tell him something, anything for that matter,  that could give him closure or hope in a future for us.  I worked that day with Tiffany, she was kinda the rock to my sanity that week. We had lunch and just talked about everything that I was feeling at that moment. So that night I decided that I needed to see where Tristan's mind was with our relationship and when his answer didn't have much clarity I then took a step back and re-evaluated everything that I was thinking. Was I making the right decision? Little did I know that would be the last time I saw Tristan.
When the fireworks began that Sunday night it was a celebration for the locals that CMA Fest was over! I was so exhausted from such an emotional and busy week. I was looking forward to the following night Monday June 11, when Trae and  I would sit down face to face to talk about everything.  We agreed to have dinner at Crow's Nest. It was the first time I had seen him in about 2 months. I was immediately overwhelmed with emotions and questions. I wanted answers, not just to the questions I was feeling, but to the questions from everything that went wrong to begin with. Answers to why it took so long, and why now, why not 2 months prior. We sat at that restaurant for 4 hours, laughing, crying, reminiscing  it was something that we had never done before. It was a conversation open to anything and everything we wanted to know about each other, whether the past or the present. He was different. His heart was not as cold or locked away like it had always been.
I could feel the genuine love that he was pouring out to me and laying everything on the line for just another chance to make me sincerely happy.  I finally got some closure that night as well. Just sitting there across the table from him I could feel my heart pounding telling me what it needed.  When he walked me to my car after dinner and put his arms around me to hug me goodbye and kissed my forehead, tears came to my eyes. I loved him so much, I wanted this to happen for so long. I told him that I needed time to think about everything tonight. He told me to do what feels right in my heart. When I drove off, I knew what that answer was, but he didn't.

 The next morning when I got work I got a text from Trae that was a simple link to a YouTube video, I had my second recruit starting so I was training two ladies at that point for my last week at Meiko. So I stepped outside to listen to it and it was Jason Mraz, "I Won't Give Up" This made my heart melt, and brought tears to me eyes. The next day Trae and I had lunch together, and then Thursday night we had dinner together. I was inevitably in love with this man and I knew that I was. I never stopped loving him. So what do you do when everything you have ever wanted is standing right in front of you? I hope that you choose to do what I did and....Take a leap of Faith! That's a Love worth fighting for!! I love you Trae Patterson!



.:XOXO TMARIE:.

.:One and Only:.

The Change I had hoped for, I soon would find out was not the one that I got this January. As we started the new year fresh, we still brought things from before along through the mud. After New Years, I made it my Resolution to Fight against the thoughts of mistrust and doubt that consumed my mind; and really look toward a new day, a new year for me. Things at home were becoming somewhat challenging because there was talk of when our lease was up what were we going to do? I loved that house we lived in for the last year. I learned a lot about myself there, until the day all that comfort was taken away from me.

 I will never forget that day. I was sitting at my office and I got a phone call from my neighbors who happened to be home that afternoon. They told me "I'm sorry to tell you this, but your house was broke into, and they stole a lot of stuff. We saw the kids running down the ally with a TV and called the cops."  I immediately went into panic mode, emotions ran over me. I had so many questions, were my dogs ok? Was Chris home? How did they get in? Etc.... It was emotions that I had never felt before, feelings that I never knew existed.

 I was angry, re-leaved, yet scared all at once. When I finally got home the cops were parked outside my house. They said that they had caught the kids.  As I walked up the stoop my sister said "I don't think you are prepared for this" and she was right I wasn't. Tears began to fill my eyes as I walked through the door into my empty cold living room. The further back I walked the colder it got. My poor babies were still in their kennel staring at a gaping hole in our back window, that a huge rock had shattered a few hours before. They were shivering and scared, but I was so happy that they were unharmed. Trae came to our rescue that night and helped board up the window to keep the heat in as the snow began to fall. Once he left, I was so overwhelmed. I started looking for a new place to move to. I didn't want to be there anymore. I was a little angry with Trae for not staying with me that night, but he ensured that we would be Ok. 

It was just my lack of feeling the security of my home that I wanted him there, better yet needed him there.  Everything I had worked so hard for in the last year was taken from me. My sense of security, and my privacy violated. But I couldn't leave my sister there all alone. Chris didn't even stick around long enough to help clean up the glass, that disappointed me to somewhat degree. We cuddled up in my bed that night and attempted to go to sleep. It was a long night. I finally managed to fall asleep around 3am.  In the mix of all things like this going on, two days later I was to be throwing a bachelorette party for Tamara. Things got all messed up after the break-in but we still managed to have a great night.She was so suprised that we pulled it together lastminute with the changes that happened. All the girls pitched in for a limo that night for her.  I was so happy that she wanted me to be a part of her special day.  It meant the world to me. I had moved on to happy thoughts a few days after the break-in and I began looking towards moving into a new home and prepping for Chris and Tamara's wedding day, all the while really thinking about Trae. 

Being involved with the wedding those next couple weeks had my mind racing. I was trying to suppress the wedding bug. I looked at him in a way I could never imagine looking at anyone else. In those moments lost in my thoughts I would turn on Adele's CD 21 and listen to track 9 "one and only" I felt the words to this song almost to the point of bringing tears to my eyes thinking about him and wondering how he felt everyday, wondering if he could forget the past and look forward. It was something I could only hope for. It was what I was trying to do. But he seemed so far away. I could tell he began to withdrawal feelings and time from me, but I didn't know why. He told me things were fine and not to worry. So I did just that. Then it was wedding day. Julie came over that morning to do my hair, and we were supposed to be at the church hours before the ceremony. Carly and I helped line the isle with decorations while we waited for the guests to arrive.

 Since I was part of the wedding Trae came with my sister. He told me he didn't feel so well when I greeted him on the sidewalk. I felt bad, and a little selfish for wanting him there with me. The ceremony was held at Scarritt Bennett Center one of my favorite wedding venues in Nashville because of the history and elegance of the Wightman Chapel. For the longest time I had dreamed of Trae standing at the end of the isle here as I walked my last single steps in life. It was simply a beautiful place, a place for hope, a place I could still dream of that day possibly happening. That day was filled with so much love, happiness, joy and excitement for Chris and Tamara. To See Chris so Happy as he watched his beautiful bride walk towards him brought joy to my heart. 

It was something that he truly deserved and that happiness was what she provided him. The love, strength and loyalty that only one other person in this world could give you, was who she was to him. After the ceremony we all headed over to Sambuca to celebrate with family and friends. Trae ended up leaving early because he didn't feel well, but I at least got a dance out of him. I was a little frustrated that he was leaving me there alone. I knew he didn't feel well, but I didn't want to leave my friends just yet. I felt obligated to be there. I was being selfish and I knew I was, but this was a once in a lifetime evening for one of my dearest and oldest friends. I only wish he would have stuck it out a little longer that night. Then maybe things would have been different the next few days. But instead they took a turn south. 

.:XOXO TMARIE:.

.:All Snow and Games:.

February the month of "Love" is always super busy for me, and this year there would be no reason for anything different about that. With Pred's games, concerts, and birthdays, I didn't stand a chance with free time to myself! The first Friday night of the month was my best friend Jake's birthday, just so you can fully understand the way the birthdays roll out for the month it starts with Jake- Feb 4, Brit- Feb 8, Chris Feb-10, Todd- Feb 13, Trever & Kashonda- Feb 16, & Mine the 24th.  We ended up not doing anything that night, because for the past 2 years we have had the celebration for lives with a big birthday bash! But this year would be different because of new friends that have came into my life.  

My first Saturday night of the month was spent 2 rows back from the ice, watching the Preds vs Redwings game!! I went with my friend Craig, he picked me up and we headed to the sold out arena. I was so excited to see the game, I was becoming an avid hockey fan this season. The games were always fun :) and I enjoyed everytime I was able to go. I couldn't believe when we stepped inside the arena how many people were there. It was like a concert. I remember having one of the best nights out with Craig that night. He was a huge hockey fan so we lived it up and cheered on our Preds!!

The first Sunday of the month is always celebrated watching football, its become "America's Holiday." Its when all of America sits down in front of big screen surrounded by friends, football and beer! <-- can't forget the beer or the chili! This year instead of a party, I made plans with the Dr. to get our friends together at Sam's in the Village for some Super Bowl action. The 12 of us all sat around surrounding a table full of beer bottles, pizzas and nachos. The TVs all around the bar were tuned in and so were we, laughing, joking, making new friends. It was such an awesome night. The Dr. and I got along great he was starting to grow on me, there was definitely something about him that I liked. It was strange to think back in December, I had actually went to his Christmas party, was introduced...and we didn't start hanging out until the end of Jan, for some reason people reoccur in our lives and we don't know why. But there was reason why we met and I didn't know why just yet. But, I have to say this was a Superbowl to remember.

It was back to the work week, but no one expected what was about to happen. The weather had been pretty crazy this winter so far. We definitely saw a lot of snowy days, but none of them were like this day. I remember just sitting at my desk watching the flurries lightly fall from the sky. It wasn't something I was too concerned about until an hour later when I noticed the parking lot was fully covered with a white blanket about an inch thick. The temperature dropped so quickly that day which made the roads across Nashville so dangerous. I packed up and headed out which seemed to be the same time that everyone else did in Metro Center. It took me 30 mins just to get out of my parking lot. The roads were so bad that I almost couldn't get my car up the hill, especially with traffic as slow as it was.

I remember my wheels sliding and coming inches from hitting the car next to me. But with the way my Daddy taught me how to drive in snow and years of practice in the mustang, we made it safely to Troy's at Werthan, it may have taken me 2 hours to go 2miles but I made it without a scratch! Now my sister on the other hand. Poor thing took her 5+ hours to get home from Cool Springs. Brentwood traffic was a nightmare on any other given day, but throw snow and ice into the mix and it = DISASTER! I didn't even chance driving that far. But she had no other choice. Five hours later she was still sitting there, so Troy and I were gonna go rescue her, until we got notice the her Boo was coming to the rescue. So with the city in gridlock and nothing to do, Troy and I went to the grocery store for dinner and dessert <-- Brownies yum! I of course didn't have any other clothes so I threw on some over sized sweatpants, a hoodie and Todd's jacket and we set out. Destination - Food! Needless to say we survived that night and most of the snow was gone the next day. Which was a blessing because our big birthday celebration was in 2 days and all that planning couldn't go to waste!

.:XOXO TMARIE:.

2010 Nashville Flood

When finally arriving home, I was headed to work for the day...it was going to be a long day but I was looking forward to my comfy bed that evening. The next few days weren't too bad at the office...Trae was going to be gone the weekend coming up, and I was just going to chill at home and relax...my sister came over to spend time with me, and then the weather started to take a turn for the worse...the rain began...it rained non stop for 2 days straight, roads were starting to flood because the ground so saturated.
I was staying in that weekend so I didn't mind the rain except when I needed to run errands...so the day before the events of the weekend unfolded,  I took  my happy self over to the mall across the street and bought some rain boots...little did I know they were a smart investment! We drove around to see how high the water was because it was still raining. The river was definitely rising to significant level over the bank.  Watching the water rise was the craziest thing ever. It was a long 24hrs as the water kept rising...
I lived in one of the Pennington Bend subdivisions, which is a development thats 75% surrounded by the Cumberland River, over by Opryland Hotel. The explorer in me had me curious to see how high the water was on the river bank that morning, I wanted to drive around and see for myself so I put on my cute rain boots and my sister and I set out for a rainy adventure.
Just down the road we have a community playground with a boat access ramp to the Cumberland river called Lock Two Park...I remember sunny days and picnics at this place, laying on blankets enjoying the summer breeze only to see it in a tragic different light as I pulled up... The water had risen to a substantial height that it almost as if we had no park anymore. This was definitely a moment of reality, I was no longer playing in my rain boots that day...

we continued down the back road towards the mall as we turned the last corner I saw some people standing next to where a dock use to be and the water was so high that it was almost to the road I stopped for some pictures to send Trae and kepting going, just past the trees I could see the back parking lot entrance to Opryland and Opry Mills...a place and traffic route all to familiar to me completely under water. I didn't quite understand the state of emergency our city was in until that moment...
We grabbed a bite to eat and headed back to the house.  When My sister and I got home, we were watching the news and saw that part of the interstate was completely underwater, when I saw that I was shocked and worried because that was the way Trae was supposed to come home... The water around my house continued to slowly rise as we uninterruptedly stared at the news for hours watching the Flood unfold and the waters take over our city.
As I let my pups out for potty breaks I kept a close eye on the field next to house since it backed up to the river...I knew once I saw water starting to rise there that we were in for trouble. I came back inside to check the news and fell asleep for about an hour...when I woke up and looked out side the field next to me was no longer a field but a lake and the water was creeping up fast in the cul-da-sac in front of my house. I knew at that point it was time to evacuate.

My sister was in panic mode...but in times like these I truely try to stay as calm as possible. I went up stairs to pack a bag for my parents house and shower... when I came back outside preparing to leave the water was gushing...People were everywhere around my house because the water was coming from our direction into the neighborhood. I previously had moved my car into the garage and one of the work trucks to the driveway with the engine up as high as I could incline it...unfortunately our friend who was staying with us didn't leave his keys for me to move his 4Runner. We made it safely to my parents house that evening. But I was slowly becoming a mess because Trae was trying to get home and he got stuck in Chattanooga due to the storm and wasn't going to be able to get home until the morning.

I couldn't eat or sleep all night I was so worried about my home and if it was going to be there the next morning...As far as the news I hadn't heard much about my neighborhood so I took that as a sign that we were fine....it wasn't until the next morning.
I woke up at 7 am to turn on the news and helicopters were flying over my neighborhood and Opryland and all you could see were rooftops surrounded by water. I knew at that moment our house was gone but I had to see for myself. I told my mom I was driving home to meet Trae he had already hit the road and was trying to get home as early as possible. As I pulled into the entrance to our subdivision I was blocked by cars and people just staring down the street of water.
I couldn't even see my house from the point of entrance so I drove down a side street that was at a higher level to get closer hoping that I could walk back or wade through the water....I managed to hop from porch to porch of my neighbors houses all the way to the house across the cul-da-sac from us. The further back I got the deeper the water got. As I walked waded through the water over to her porch I saw my house and I was thanking GOD that the water was barely brushing our garage. Although my friends 4Runner was almost completely submerged under water.
It was a relief to call Trae and tell him that the house could be ok, but the thing was that the water still had more feet to rise before the river crested. When Trae finally arrived I walked him back. He decided against my better judgement to stay the night at the house...The current was so strong and the water was high that it scared me for him to cross the street to get to our house but he did and got there safely. I Stayed at my parents for another day or two while we waited for the water to recede...The city was a total disaster zone...this unforeseen historic flood was something no one expected, but it brought our community together...

The WE ARE NASHVILLE campaign really put the "Volunteer" state to the test and we passed with flying colors. We pulled together and prevailed. Its still a very vivid memory to me and its been a year since the events..everyday I look out of my office and still see the man made sandbag levee that was protecting Metro Center, and it reminds me of a community I am proud to be a part of.

Photo by Alice Sullivan

In Memory and Dedicated to the Victims of the 2010 Nashville Flood
.:XOXO TMARIE:.

December 07 Fast Forward

Finally Back in Nasvhille I was so exhausted from mine and Shayna's lil escapade to Fort Wayne, that I couldn't believe I was even attempting to Party Hard that night...but you know what we had a Limo and I was high on life, so I decided what tha Hell here we go, and I've got all day to chill on Sunday....so I did my usual, got dolled up hit up Chris and Kim to see what time we were leaving put on some heels, and hit the road, little did I know I wasn't coming home that night. It was so much fun but it felt like the night was ending to soon, we had met up with Trae and his friends, and he didn't want me to leave so I missed my ride back to the Boro, and stayed with him, (NO nothing happened he was actually quite the gentleman) to my surprise...The next morning I woke up in his big tee shirt and basketball shorts...looking a HOTT mess I put my walk of shame clothes back on and we went to breakfast on the way home to my apartment...Once I was dropped off I got a text from Trae that said "Don't think that, just because I didn't make a move on you that I'm not interested, we have plenty of time for that." ohhhh I was hooked from then on...We got together as much as we could, dinners, Agave, etc...everything was going great up until Dec 22 we all went out that night, and it turned into a disaster, J.J. Showed UP! OH I was PISSED!! He had never once stepped foot into LOT7 before! Now if you remember I haven't spoke to him since October...so he comes to me and thinks that we are still together, (What A DUMB ASS) anyways, Trae got pissed and I thought I ruined every potential thing we had in a relationship...But what we actually learned from that experience is how we liked each other, and how our true feelings came out...after not really speaking for a couple days we resolved things on Christmas Night. He took me to Ristorante Volare in the Opryland Hotel for Christmas Dinner it was so pretty, and I was so nervous. After that night I knew exactly what I wanted and I wasn't stopping til I got it! I fought with J.J. for a few days, but in the end he no longer had my heart, and it was finally time to close that chapter of my life, and how more appropriate than the end of the year! 2007 was by far the craziest year I had in college, I had experienced so many things, from drugs, to all night parties, a crazy spring break, meeting new lifetime friends, rekindling a lost friendship, and meeting the man I want to spend my life with, and I was more than ready for it to end, and I was looking for forward to the night we said goodbye to 2007!

.:XOXO TMarie:.

Something Old but New

My Life In FAST PACE......

I started this blog as a memory because a friend of mine made a good point I want to be able to look back on what I did when I was young and full of life. So where do I begin......How about with something old....I little background about me and where I am in life today. I was born on the warm beaches of the Sunshine state in beautiful St. Pete, FL.

My parents moved me up north to the country music capital of the world... Nashville, Tennessee when I was 5..(uh yes tragic) although it is a beautiful state. I was raised here in the south a lil country girl some might say, but I like to think otherwise at times. Cheatham County, a predominantly white small town with no red lights was a sight to see growing up in rural America where everyone knows your name and you're related to your neighbors... yes, yes, that's where i was raised, (thank god I wasn't related to anyone in school though) made it easy to date LOL. This quiet small town where if you were popular it was cool to wear liberty overalls and camouflage to school... with rebel flags flying behind big, jacked-up trucks in your high school parking lot was sure to prove an afternoon of mudding on Hamknight Rd. and a Friday night high school football game followed by tailgating, drinking beer, and raising hell by the local Piggly Wiggly...aka (THE PIG) it was fun at the time but in the end it just wasn't for me. So I did what I needed to do to get by and graduate to get the hell outa dodge. <---country slang for MOVE! and thats exactly what I did, summer of 2003.

College here I come....oh those were the days....not that long ago, but far enough to miss them like crazy! I had my bestfriends by my side and we were ready to take on the world. Moving day was the best feeling ever! MTSU was going to be my new home for the next 4-5 years of my life and I was ready more than anything! My bestfriend and I got an apartment moved in and had our first huge fight on homecoming night. We lived a few months without speaking, I couldnt take it anymore so I moved out early lived with some crazy bitches, til my lease was up. Then I saw her on campus a few months later and we patched things up and vowed to never let our friendship go...I was in such a mixed up point in my life, so I moved home for Sophomore year and commuted, starting workin a Hooters making some $$$ and moved back the following year. Spring Break 2005 was def one of my favorites...my bestie and I finally got to go on our first trip to the beach (our favorite place) together DESTIN...wow that was crazyness and then I followed that vacay with a trip MIAMI for the first time ever as well as NYC! If you are wondering yes I skipped class for Miami but come on who wouldnt?!? That summer of 2005 would be the change of my life, as some might say LMFAO..yes I let a little chocolate in my life, if you know what I mean ;) I also moved into a house with someone I just met that summer she was a little crazy too, but our other roommate turned out being a great friend. I dated J.J. for about 2 years and it was a rollercoaster of a relationship too much detail. It ended the summer of 2007 when we split up for space and he knocked someone up. That was pretty much the end for him and I, we tried to make it work but it just wasn't happening. But I did turn 21 over that 2 year span and had some great times and spring breaks that brought important friends into my life...but it was almost time to grow up...but not before one more blow out of a college summer made for memories.

xoxo TMarie