Blinded by Love

There was a lot of thinking still that needed to be done about the future that Trae and I had, if there even was one to think about. He was leaving the next weekend to go snowboarding in Cali for a week, and wasn't going to be home for Valentines day and I was kinda upset about it. I know it was selfish of me to want this after I just had an awesome vacation the weekend before. But I was supposed to go on the trip snowboarding, and work wouldn't let me off for the week. When Valentine's day rolled around, we talked on the phone, and my sister and I went to have dinner together.
But there were no flowers, or cards etc... It wasn't quite how I wanted the evening to go. I laid down to go to sleep that night, lonely and sad because I missed him.
Little did I know the whole day he had been trying to get home to see me before midnight. Around 11:30 pm he called me. I answered and he asked what I was doing....LOL I said "um laying in bed about to go to sleep...what you you doing?" He said ..."did you get the package that I had Zach drop off?" I said,  "No ...what package?" He said,  "I know its late but he just dropped it off for you and its on your porch will you go get it?"  I then got out of bed put on my robe and headed downstairs. When I got to the front door there he was!! I couldn't believe it, I was so incredibly happy that it brought tears to me eyes. He said, "I made it before the day was over...Happy Valentines day" After seeing posts on Facebook all day about flowers, candy, gifts, etc....I then realized it wasn't about all that. It was about being with the person you love. It was the best Valentines Day I've ever had. I couldn't believe he surprised me.
We were happy, the rest of the month there was no fighting etc... he bought a Harley while I was in Atlanta for work over the next weekend! I thought he was crazy for that...I even told him he should of been "ring shopping" while I was out town not "Harley Shopping" he just laughed and said that comes after the next toy... a boat....I said yeah right, if I am around long enough for that. But boys and their toys what can you expect.  I was happy for him and I couldn't wait to ride on the back of it myself. The following weekend we celebrated my Birthday with friends at Citizen. Then before you know it another month had passed. It was now March, I moved into my new place in Sylvan park.
 We had countless motorcycle rides, Sundays spent at my parents where taught me how to shoot my first handgun, I was really happy. I thought he was too. We were almost inseparable. I had asked my friend Amy if she could get me tickets to the Kings vs Predators game so I could surprise him with a date night. She was so awesome and hooked me up with seats on the glass.... He was so excited and couldn't believe how awesome the seats were and that they were behind the Kings bench.
 Everything was so blissful until social media took its toll on our relationship. One of the worst feelings ever is to know how much you love someone, and see that they may be happier with out you. Or not knowing the truth behind posts that people displayed along with things that were purposing hidden from you to be able to see. How do you feel about it, what do you say about it? I questioned everything up until that point if it was true, if the emotional connection that we had was true. I had already bought us tickets to the opening show at midnight for the Hunger Games. It was a movie that we had both been looking forward to after reading the books. I battled every single emotion that night before going to the movie, Heartache, Love, Anger, Sadness, Regret, Hope, Fear, Anxiety, Guilt, Anticipation, Excitement and the list goes on.
We talked, we argued, frustrated with each other about everything and if sincerely we were ready to move forward. But all with the fear of letting go once more. I didn't know what else to do but to go see the movie, because I knew there was no one else in the world I would rather be with at that moment.
But the next morning would make for a different outcome...The one where I faced my fears and walked away, giving him the space once more and moving on. I had done everything I thought I could possibly do to save what we had. It just wasn't enough at that point in time. When Easter weekend rolled around he left to go out of town and couldn't compromise plans to spend part of it with me, it pretty much closed the book on Trae and I. I knew from that point that there was no saving us. I needed to do what was best for me, for my happiness.

.:XOXO TMARIE:.

The Big Easy

We loaded the cooler down with snacks for the road, packed the car, and headed south late on December 29. We drove all through the night. I was the first to drive, so I could take a nap before getting into New Orleans since I have never been there, I wanted to be able to look around instead of focusing on driving.  After driving for a few hours, we made the switch. I fell asleep while it was still a little dark. Trae and my sister had been ranting about this book the Hunger Games. So when I woke he played the audibles book for me to get started on the book. We listened to the book for a few hours, then as we approached the bridge and could see the skyline ahead of New Orleans it was time to navigate to our hotel in the French Quarter. I'm usually designated as the navigator and Trae the driver on our roads trips once we have reached our destinations, since he is the better driver.
The city streets were crazy busy, construction took us a different way than our map but we still arrived at our hotel safely. The Chateau Dupre....we looked right at each other and said, "hmmmm this is it?" It was a small little Inn with painted brick, a small lobby and old corridors. The website describes it as Luxury.  LMAO, I said, "you sure you want to stay here?" We both collectively agreed it was illogical that we would be able to find somewhere else since it was New Years Eve and he wasn't going to be able to get a refund for this room, so we sucked it up and made the best of it. Heck we weren't going to be in the room very long anyways. Now, the street our hotel was on was so small, we literally had to park in the street to check-in. It was the strangest uncomfortable feeling with my new car to do that.

 So we teamed up and he checked in as I unloaded the car quickly on to the rack. Then he went to go find parking. Our Hotel was on the south side of the French Quarter. They didn't have parking so we had to find a lot for my car for the next two days.  When he got back he said it was a fiasco but he found one that looked pretty safe, it was about 3 blocks from our hotel. Once we were checked-in and unloaded everything to the room, we were ready to explore. I couldn't wait! We walked all around the French Quarter that day. It was so blissful. This city became my favorite city in the USA. I loved the culture, I loved the blues, the people, the food, the drinks and just how laid back the city was. We had  a simple dinner that evening on Bourbon Street. Oh it was so delicious! I have much love for Red Beans and Rice, and shrimp, and Trae wanted duck.  When I ordered the shrimp appetizer I had NO idea it was gona come out looking like real shrimp! Heads and all! EWW he had to help me eat them, because I was a little freaked out. We enjoyed the dinner, and watching the people pass by sipping on our BlueMoon. It was perfect.
 Since It was early still, we headed back to change clothes and decided lets do the night on Bourbon, so we were shocked that depending on what time it was we could get 3for1s! Oh my it was crazy but we loved it. I loved him. I loved it being the two of us. I couldn't do this with anyone else. He was my best friend, and all we needed was each other. I was so happy looking into eyes, watching him sing the music that was around us, and dancing free spirited around him. We stayed out late that night and I was so tired. I didn't want to walk all the way back because my feet were hurting LOL, so he grabbed me a bike cabby and we went up to bed. The next morning we slept in pretty long, but still had time to get brunch down near the French Market.

This cool little indoor/outdoor flea market. After walking around all afternoon his Dad sent us on a mission for Beignets and coffee. And we found a cute little place in the Quarter. They were really good, but really tasted like funnels cakes I use to eat as a kid at the fair. Later that afternoon we went up to the room to nap before dinner. It was New Years Eve, the last few hours of a year that I learned so much about myself, my friends, my family, and the love I truly felt for Trae. I was so happy that I was spending those last few memories of that year with him. As we started getting ready I remember thinking how I was so excited to wear my mask, to see the fireworks and to kiss him at midnight, in the streets filled with people from all over the world who came here to celebrate the new year also. The city had shut down Decatur street for the night for pedestrians which was great because that was the street our hotel was on, so we walked down to a little restaurant just within distance of Jackson Square where later we would countdown the seconds to 2012. The line to get in the restaurant was pretty long, but we got there just in time.
 There were about 6 people ahead of us 4 of which just from small talk about my mask we found out were from the Nashville/ Tullahoma area. Once they were seated, the hostess came out to get us and ironcally we were seated right beside them. We decided to push our tables together and embrace that we had made some new friends. One of the things I love about Trae and I is that we just go with flow, we can talk to just about anyone. The 2 couples we met were so cool, we had mutual friends in the Nashville area. After dinner Trae and I headed back to the room for me to get something really quick, and then we ran into them at a little mask shop just a few stores down from dinner. We decided it would be fun to hangout the 6 of us. As we continued our walk to Jackson Square, people on the balconies that lined the street were throwing beads to those walking down below as if it were Mardi Gras. So the girls and I said what the heck if they are just throwing why not go get some. HAHA, we had so many beads after that, I was almost knocked out by some actually. It was pretty hilarious. We had our drinks, cigars, and were taking pictures standing in the middle of the street surrounded by thousands of people until we began to hear the countdown.

 Then it was a slow 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2- HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Followed by the most perfect kiss that blocked out the sounds of horns, people cheering and confetti blowing in the breeze around us, like I was in bubble protected from all things around me. And when I opened my eyes, I came to, I could hear all things around me and looking at him I just smiled and said "I love you." It was a perfect New Years Eve. It definitely was the best one I've ever spent with my best friend and the love of my life. After the countdown we all walked over to Bourbon Street for some music and dancing at our favorite place from those few days "Howl at the Moon" A dueling piano bar til early into the morning hours. Exhausted as we all were, we said our good byes hoping to see each other sometime in Nashville. That ride home was a long one the next day. I was so tired. Trae drove most of the way back until we reached Birmingham for a pit stop. I had pretty much finished the first Hunger Games book as we rolled into Nashville. I didn't want to be home yet. I didn't want the weekend to end. Everything was so perfect, and I was afraid of change now that we were back to reality.
XOXO.:TMARIE:.