Everything in my world was moving along smoothly. I just had an amazing weekend in Indy. One of my best friends got engaged. I was so happy for her! One of my closest friends was in town from California to celebrate Tiffany and Jesse's engagement. I was just offered this awesome new job/ career. I was super busy with CMA Fest week. And there it was a text message that stopped me in my tracks. You know, one of those kinda of text messages you only hope for, but never see. The kind that make you question everything no matter how good your life seems. That's what I received that next week. Questions began running through my mind like "Did we do everything we could?" "Do I Love him enough to go back?" "Am I really happy with who I am with now?' "Where does a future stand in my new beginning relationship?" "I gave it my second chance already....do I try again?"
I was so confused, but trying to stay focused at work for training the new employee that was replacing me, and trying to think logically and not with my heart this time. I was a complete mess and not to mention I was beginning one of my busiest months of the year for promotions, CMA Fest, and starting a new job. I didn't need anymore decisions on my plate and I was pretty content with how things were with Tristan. So I entertained some of the text messages and stood my ground on the fact that we had already given it a second chance just a few months ago and it just wasn't working. As much as I knew deep down that I truly loved Trae it was hard for me to walk away from being happy, for the uncertainty of another failing attempt to salvage what it was that we had for so many years.
For a week I juggled the pros and cons and had lunches, dinners, even worked countless promotions with girlfriends and all the while trying to come to some decision. When the last day I was working for CMA Fest rolled around I worked like 12 hrs that day. I was dead tired and Trae was pushing for me to tell him something, anything for that matter, that could give him closure or hope in a future for us. I worked that day with Tiffany, she was kinda the rock to my sanity that week. We had lunch and just talked about everything that I was feeling at that moment. So that night I decided that I needed to see where Tristan's mind was with our relationship and when his answer didn't have much clarity I then took a step back and re-evaluated everything that I was thinking. Was I making the right decision? Little did I know that would be the last time I saw Tristan.
When the fireworks began that Sunday night it was a celebration for the locals that CMA Fest was over! I was so exhausted from such an emotional and busy week. I was looking forward to the following night Monday June 11, when Trae and I would sit down face to face to talk about everything. We agreed to have dinner at Crow's Nest. It was the first time I had seen him in about 2 months. I was immediately overwhelmed with emotions and questions. I wanted answers, not just to the questions I was feeling, but to the questions from everything that went wrong to begin with. Answers to why it took so long, and why now, why not 2 months prior. We sat at that restaurant for 4 hours, laughing, crying, reminiscing it was something that we had never done before. It was a conversation open to anything and everything we wanted to know about each other, whether the past or the present. He was different. His heart was not as cold or locked away like it had always been.
I could feel the genuine love that he was pouring out to me and laying everything on the line for just another chance to make me sincerely happy. I finally got some closure that night as well. Just sitting there across the table from him I could feel my heart pounding telling me what it needed. When he walked me to my car after dinner and put his arms around me to hug me goodbye and kissed my forehead, tears came to my eyes. I loved him so much, I wanted this to happen for so long. I told him that I needed time to think about everything tonight. He told me to do what feels right in my heart. When I drove off, I knew what that answer was, but he didn't..:XOXO TMARIE:.
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