.:A Love Worth Fighting For:.

 Everything in my world was moving along smoothly. I just had an amazing weekend in Indy. One of my best friends got engaged. I was so happy for her! One of my closest friends was in town from California to celebrate Tiffany and Jesse's engagement. I was just offered this awesome new job/ career. I was super busy with CMA Fest week. And there it was a text message that stopped me in my tracks. You know, one of those kinda of text messages you only hope for, but never see. The kind that make you question everything no matter how good your life seems. That's what I received that next week. Questions began running through my mind like "Did we do everything we could?" "Do I Love him enough to go back?" "Am I really happy with who I am with now?' "Where does a future stand in my new beginning relationship?" "I gave it my second chance already....do I try again?"
I was so confused, but trying to stay focused at work for training the new employee that was replacing  me, and trying to think logically and not with my heart this time. I was a complete mess and not to mention I was beginning one of my busiest months of the year for promotions, CMA Fest, and starting a new job. I didn't need anymore decisions on my plate and I was pretty content with how things were with Tristan. So I entertained some of the text messages and stood my ground on the fact that we had already given it a second chance just a few months ago and it just wasn't working. As much as I knew deep down that I truly loved Trae it was hard for me to walk away from being happy, for the uncertainty of another failing attempt to salvage what it was that we had for so many years.
For a week I juggled the pros and cons and had lunches, dinners, even worked countless promotions with girlfriends and all the while trying to come to some decision. When the last day I was working for CMA Fest rolled around I worked like 12 hrs that day. I was dead tired and Trae was pushing for me to tell him something, anything for that matter,  that could give him closure or hope in a future for us.  I worked that day with Tiffany, she was kinda the rock to my sanity that week. We had lunch and just talked about everything that I was feeling at that moment. So that night I decided that I needed to see where Tristan's mind was with our relationship and when his answer didn't have much clarity I then took a step back and re-evaluated everything that I was thinking. Was I making the right decision? Little did I know that would be the last time I saw Tristan.
When the fireworks began that Sunday night it was a celebration for the locals that CMA Fest was over! I was so exhausted from such an emotional and busy week. I was looking forward to the following night Monday June 11, when Trae and  I would sit down face to face to talk about everything.  We agreed to have dinner at Crow's Nest. It was the first time I had seen him in about 2 months. I was immediately overwhelmed with emotions and questions. I wanted answers, not just to the questions I was feeling, but to the questions from everything that went wrong to begin with. Answers to why it took so long, and why now, why not 2 months prior. We sat at that restaurant for 4 hours, laughing, crying, reminiscing  it was something that we had never done before. It was a conversation open to anything and everything we wanted to know about each other, whether the past or the present. He was different. His heart was not as cold or locked away like it had always been.
I could feel the genuine love that he was pouring out to me and laying everything on the line for just another chance to make me sincerely happy.  I finally got some closure that night as well. Just sitting there across the table from him I could feel my heart pounding telling me what it needed.  When he walked me to my car after dinner and put his arms around me to hug me goodbye and kissed my forehead, tears came to my eyes. I loved him so much, I wanted this to happen for so long. I told him that I needed time to think about everything tonight. He told me to do what feels right in my heart. When I drove off, I knew what that answer was, but he didn't.

 The next morning when I got work I got a text from Trae that was a simple link to a YouTube video, I had my second recruit starting so I was training two ladies at that point for my last week at Meiko. So I stepped outside to listen to it and it was Jason Mraz, "I Won't Give Up" This made my heart melt, and brought tears to me eyes. The next day Trae and I had lunch together, and then Thursday night we had dinner together. I was inevitably in love with this man and I knew that I was. I never stopped loving him. So what do you do when everything you have ever wanted is standing right in front of you? I hope that you choose to do what I did and....Take a leap of Faith! That's a Love worth fighting for!! I love you Trae Patterson!



.:XOXO TMARIE:.

I've Been Looking for Destiny

It is amazing how much influence Social Media has on our relationships today. I remember when dating was picking up the phone and calling each other. Now I was faced with losing the person I loved most because of Facebook. Social Media has made people today crazy in believing everything they see or read about the lives of people they know. The public appearance of relationships has never been so important in our lives until now thanks to Social Media. I am definitely at fault to expressing my feelings to the virtual world at times of weakness, but does it help to portray our perfect lives everyday to everyone? Probably not.

 Everyone today is so worried about everyone else that they lose sight on something or someone that is worth fighting through all the bullshit for or for the things in life that are normal, like actually seeing each other to hold your relationships and friendships together and not relying on Facebook, Twitter, or any social media sites for that matter. Easter weekend I chose to believe what Facebook portrayed to me and walked away, with out any room for explanation, or reconciliation in the future. That moment of letting go was hard for me to do, but didn't hurt as bad as the first time. I knew that I gave it what I could, and I was happy with my efforts in trying to save us. But the end result lead to a separated path. Reflecting on the opportunities that were before me. I wanted to leave town and move finally.

 I began pursuing career opportunities everywhere, along with working a lot of promotions, and spending time with friends and running with Girls on the Run after school charity program. A few weeks later while I was out working one night I met a group of people from out of town. They were temporarily living in Nashville for work. After work that night my friends and I met up  to hang out with them. I had such a great time that I decided it wouldn't hurt to get to know one of the guys I met that night. He made me laugh and brought simple happy emotions to my life at that point in time. The chemistry that we had immediately was amazing. The following week he left to go home to visit family, I ran into Trae and Christian after working a promo.

 It had been a little over a month since we had seen each other last. I immediately became very emotional, it was so good to see Christian, but words were said between Trae and I that were not nice. I met Christian a few days later for dinner to catch up. We talked about my job opportunities, my new dating interest and of course my relationship with Trae. That was the last subject I wanted to talk about but it was something he knew all to well. He made some great points that night to me that would later help me. 

After a week or so I began bringing Tristan around friends and we began dating, everyone really liked how laid back and easy going he was. He was quite a trooper and as sweet as he could be to me. We did a lot of things during the month of May, from Predators playoff games to many nights in Nashville with friends.  I took him and his friends to see Chris Nathan play one night and when the song "Girl By the Window"  began it shined a light on these lyrics that I love...."I've been looking for destiny, so won't you come rescue me?" I was definitely in need of rescuing. I believed that I had found a simple happiness with Tristan, but was facing the uncertainty of how long the relationship would actually last, knowing he was here in Nashville til the end of the year. I still took that risk,  because I had nothing to lose. 

We planned on going to Indianapolis for Memorial Day weekend and the Indy 500.  I had also been interviewing for jobs in the Nashville area and a few were very promising. We hit the road to Indy for the weekend. It was so much fun, one of best weekends I've had up there. Everyone was very fond of Tristan and I. It was a crazy weekend of no sleep once again. He met a lot of acquaintances through me that weekend and with little to my knowledge would carry over once we were back in Nashville. Its so funny how nice you can be to people and when you turn your back for the slightest moment they can stick a knife in it so fast. 

When I got home to Nashville it was a short week of work and on that Friday June 1, I was offered a job I was wanting so bad! I couldn't believe it. It was a job I had been wanting for a while, one that involved travel, and sales. I immediately put in my 2 weeks at Meiko and began counting down the days. I was so excited. That same weekend I received an unexpected text from Trae that would turn everything in my world upside down. 

.:XOXO TMARIE:.

Blinded by Love

There was a lot of thinking still that needed to be done about the future that Trae and I had, if there even was one to think about. He was leaving the next weekend to go snowboarding in Cali for a week, and wasn't going to be home for Valentines day and I was kinda upset about it. I know it was selfish of me to want this after I just had an awesome vacation the weekend before. But I was supposed to go on the trip snowboarding, and work wouldn't let me off for the week. When Valentine's day rolled around, we talked on the phone, and my sister and I went to have dinner together.
But there were no flowers, or cards etc... It wasn't quite how I wanted the evening to go. I laid down to go to sleep that night, lonely and sad because I missed him.
Little did I know the whole day he had been trying to get home to see me before midnight. Around 11:30 pm he called me. I answered and he asked what I was doing....LOL I said "um laying in bed about to go to sleep...what you you doing?" He said ..."did you get the package that I had Zach drop off?" I said,  "No ...what package?" He said,  "I know its late but he just dropped it off for you and its on your porch will you go get it?"  I then got out of bed put on my robe and headed downstairs. When I got to the front door there he was!! I couldn't believe it, I was so incredibly happy that it brought tears to me eyes. He said, "I made it before the day was over...Happy Valentines day" After seeing posts on Facebook all day about flowers, candy, gifts, etc....I then realized it wasn't about all that. It was about being with the person you love. It was the best Valentines Day I've ever had. I couldn't believe he surprised me.
We were happy, the rest of the month there was no fighting etc... he bought a Harley while I was in Atlanta for work over the next weekend! I thought he was crazy for that...I even told him he should of been "ring shopping" while I was out town not "Harley Shopping" he just laughed and said that comes after the next toy... a boat....I said yeah right, if I am around long enough for that. But boys and their toys what can you expect.  I was happy for him and I couldn't wait to ride on the back of it myself. The following weekend we celebrated my Birthday with friends at Citizen. Then before you know it another month had passed. It was now March, I moved into my new place in Sylvan park.
 We had countless motorcycle rides, Sundays spent at my parents where taught me how to shoot my first handgun, I was really happy. I thought he was too. We were almost inseparable. I had asked my friend Amy if she could get me tickets to the Kings vs Predators game so I could surprise him with a date night. She was so awesome and hooked me up with seats on the glass.... He was so excited and couldn't believe how awesome the seats were and that they were behind the Kings bench.
 Everything was so blissful until social media took its toll on our relationship. One of the worst feelings ever is to know how much you love someone, and see that they may be happier with out you. Or not knowing the truth behind posts that people displayed along with things that were purposing hidden from you to be able to see. How do you feel about it, what do you say about it? I questioned everything up until that point if it was true, if the emotional connection that we had was true. I had already bought us tickets to the opening show at midnight for the Hunger Games. It was a movie that we had both been looking forward to after reading the books. I battled every single emotion that night before going to the movie, Heartache, Love, Anger, Sadness, Regret, Hope, Fear, Anxiety, Guilt, Anticipation, Excitement and the list goes on.
We talked, we argued, frustrated with each other about everything and if sincerely we were ready to move forward. But all with the fear of letting go once more. I didn't know what else to do but to go see the movie, because I knew there was no one else in the world I would rather be with at that moment.
But the next morning would make for a different outcome...The one where I faced my fears and walked away, giving him the space once more and moving on. I had done everything I thought I could possibly do to save what we had. It just wasn't enough at that point in time. When Easter weekend rolled around he left to go out of town and couldn't compromise plans to spend part of it with me, it pretty much closed the book on Trae and I. I knew from that point that there was no saving us. I needed to do what was best for me, for my happiness.

.:XOXO TMARIE:.

Super Bowl XLVI

After the wedding, the fighting began. We argued for days about what we were, what we were doing with each other. All the normal questions that arise after you hit a certain point in a relationship. Then questioning trust, loyalty, and faithfulness became topics that inevitably was tearing us apart. We weren't ready, or he wasn't ready. I was completely ready for us to move forward but could feel the doubt in his presence whether or not he had given up the past, the urge to be single and in the game. This was OK for him to feel, but was it healthy for us? No. I needed time away to think or not to think, but to just be away. Luckily I had planned the previous summer that I would be going to Indianapolis for my birthday and the Superbowl. I didn't have a ticket to the game but I was just excited to be a part of everything else that weekend. Rachel had planned a ton of stuff for us to do while I was there. So I loaded up my suitcase and hit the road for an unforgettable weekend.

The weekend started as soon as I arrived in town. She also had two other girls going out with us that night. They were from her pageant circuit days, and were sweet as can be and hilarious!
So we all got dolled up and headed to the ESPN Magazine party for the Drake performance that night. As you can probably only imagine, we were in sports athlete heaven for those of you who are interested. I met several people that night mingling through the party. Probably one of the funniest moments was when Cam Newton's "friend" approached our entourage with the classic line "Hey Ladies how are you doing tonight? I would like you to meet one of my friends".....and there stands Cam. Whats really funny was that I shook his hand said hello and headed to the bar to get a drink while the other girls talk for a minute or two while I'm at the bar. When I get back they are walking away and Rachel says to me "you know who that is right??" I said "No.....who?" she says "Cam Newton" I said back to her "hahahaha oops I totally dissed him with a Hello and a dip out of the conversation." LMAO we just laughed. One of the best moments of the night. That night we also met Tim Tebow who I was thoroughly not impressed with and tons of other people.

 Rachel and Terrell Owens had been friends for awhile and we were all supposed to meet  up here then go to the next party together. While we waited for T.O. to show up we walked and talked among all the NFL alumni. It was quite an entertaining party. Upon his late arrival we finally got our group together for the next party. The after party at Sensu. We show up and the club is getting ready to close. Rachel and Terrell tried pulling as many strings as they could but the door guy wasn't budging. Looks like even if you're an NFL star and a Local Celebrity whose station promotes your business they don't care and will turn their heads to you as they let people in the back door down the ally.  It was quite a joke so we said forget it, we will have our own after party! It was gourmet microwave pizza's by Jackie in the hotel suite and laughter about the night and how stupid Sensu was earlier, followed by all of us piling up in the cab back to Rachel's. This was just night one. We had a couple more to go! 

The next day Rachel and I went to eat at one of our fav places to cure our hangover, Barcelona's. It was a dreary kinda of day, rainy and cold. Of course we had no umbrella and needed one, so as we walked to Superbowl Village, we stopped and got one. Frolicking through downtown Indy headed to the Celebrity Beach bowl we decided to change course, and we met up with one of my friends Blake who had seen on Facebook that I was in town and said we all needed to meet up for lunch. Well since we just ate lunch we joined them for drinks to start the afternoon at Capitol Grill. Little did we know that this would change the whole outcome of the weekend. Blake was having lunch with 2 of his friends, JJ and Stephen. We had no clue who they were by the names. When we got there it was just Blake and JJ.  

We soon found out through conversation about where everyone was staying, who JJ was. It stood for Jerrel Jernigan, the rookie wide receiver for the New York Giants. Blake and JJ had been friends for long time because they were from the same home town in Alabama.  Stephen showed up after us because his meeting ran over. When he got there I still didn't have a clue who he was. Friendly conversation was passed around about the radio show that he had and Rachel's. It was an inside joke for the guys because they knew Stephen's show reached a much larger audience.
 Blake mentioned he was going to possibly have an extra ticket for me for the game on Sunday if one of his friends couldn't make it in town in time.  So we all made plans to go to the Maxim together that night as a group.  It wasn't until after we left to roam around the NFL Experience with Blake that he said do you even know who Stephen is? We both said "No".....he laughed and said "that was Stephen Baldwin." Rachel about died laughing about her competition on how many listeners she had compared to him. We couldn't stop laughing about how non star-struck we were. We did the classic Tim Tebow pose, as people stared at us outside under the Zipline, walked around some more and then headed back to her place to rest and get ready for the night. 

I met up with everyone at Capitol Grill for dinner while Rachel was at an appearance for work. I found out just before dinner that my additional ticket was claimed because Blake's friend Brooks had just made it to his hotel before all of us going to dinner. 

The NFL Alumni association was staying at the Conrad Hotel attached, and it was full of Celebrities walking throughout the lobby and the Capitol Grill. Drew Brees, Danny Devito (Shortest man alive lol) LMFAO (and their ridiculous outfits) Robert Randolph, Tracy Morgan just to name a few. It was certainly an experience of a life time. I was enjoying every moment of this Epic weekend. Trae was on my mind but with all the fighting going on prior to me leaving, he didn't seem to care if I called or not. Nor was he remotely interested on how my weekend was going. But, I did my best checking in with him and trying to talk to him throughout the weekend and telling him how much fun I was having. After we all ate and Rachel got there. We were running really behind to the party, and after standing waiting on the limo my bossy self and sense of needing to be in control kicked in, and I started walking up the street to catch a cab to the party.

Everyone told me it wouldn't work, well you know what?? I pulled up in a cab and picked everyone up and we headed to the party. Red Carpet entrance and all. Rachel saw Marco Andretti one of her long time friends and James Hinchcliffe so we went over to say hello which was a fiasco because they were sitting with Ludacris. Whom Blake knew too. Everything was so surreal....and we were having the time of our lives. At the end of the party we saw DJ Vice unplug his laptop and hop off the stage. Instead of catching a cab back we got on the after party limo bus with our group....which low and behold DJ Vice was setting up his laptop for the ride!! Only would this happen to us.
When we got to the after party we saw Lil Jon, and  LMFAO  up on the balcony spinning tracks until DJ Vice took over. It was simply a crazy turn of events. We partied until 4 am and then got a cab ride back at the close of the night. The next morning was Superbowl Sunday we had brunch that day at Rock Bottom brewery and talked about all of us getting ready for the tailgate parties and meeting up before the game, only thing was that I was the ONLY person sitting at the table without a ticket. I was OK with that too,  I would simply tailgate then go watch it somewhere downtown. Stephen said that just wasn't an option and that I would be going to the game if he could find an extra ticket. As our group was leaving the restaurant I got a fair share of Celebrity paparazzi, people were taking pictures of us and wanting pictures with Stephen, it was quite hilarious.

While getting ready with Rachel we ran over so many options about the game and what to wear etc. She was taking her Dad to the game with her extra ticket, which was the sweetest thing. I couldn't even be upset at her for that....I would totally take my Dad to the Superbowl if I had that opportunity. When he got to her place we all left and headed to the stadium to the Maxim tailgate party. On the way at 2:45 pm on Superbowl Sunday I got a text from Blake that said "you owe me" and I said "why...?" he then replied back with "You're going to the Superbowl" I then immediately jumped up and down with excitement!! and called him. He said that Stephen had pulled through and got me an extra ticket. I was so ecstatic and happy. I didn't care where the seat was, who I was sitting next to, or even the fact that I would be sitting solo!
 I was going and it was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I would be at this Epic game. Rachel, her Dad and I met up with all of them at the tailgate and took photos etc, we then got a car to take us to the NFL Alumni Assocation to pick up my ticket to the game. While we were there, I met LL Cool J, Vivica Fox and many more. The biggest surprise of the whole weekend was when Stephen walked over to me and said I have your ticket. He opened the envelope and there were 3 tickets. It was mine, his, and he Radio station cohost's....we were all sitting together! I asked how did that happen and he said his brother had these extra tickets he forgot about so he gave him the option to do what he wanted with them and he kept them for all of us to sit together and gave up his other seats. I was so excited, and so lucky! I couldn't believe I was actually getting my ticket just an hour before kickoff, and I was going to be on the 4th row Giants Sideline. It was unbelievable. That game I cheered on the Giants for Jerrel, I got to see music legend Madonna perform during the half time show. All from 4 rows back from the the field. 

The New York Giants won Superbowl XLVI 21-17. The celebration then started late into the night.....we caught up with everyone after the game for dinner at Capitol Grill. We had the side room reserved for our large party, which included 3 of the Baldwin Brothers, Stephen, Alec, Billy and friends. It was incredible  We then went to the Giants post-game party at the Marriott to celebrate their victory with Jerrel. This night of frolicking ended up at Jimmy Fallon's after party. We laughed, had drinks among each other and joked around the rest of the night with Jimmy who was a hilarious character. It was the perfect close to the weekend of craziness and celebrity encounters. I have never been around so many awesome people in one weekend. I woke up the next day not looking forward to the drive home. It such an awesome weekend. Sleep was not an option most of it and I was Exhausted!!!!!!!!! But it was EPIC, a weekend to mark off of my Bucket list too! A weekend unforgettable. But no matter how tired I was, I was ready to be back home. 

.:One and Only:.

The Change I had hoped for, I soon would find out was not the one that I got this January. As we started the new year fresh, we still brought things from before along through the mud. After New Years, I made it my Resolution to Fight against the thoughts of mistrust and doubt that consumed my mind; and really look toward a new day, a new year for me. Things at home were becoming somewhat challenging because there was talk of when our lease was up what were we going to do? I loved that house we lived in for the last year. I learned a lot about myself there, until the day all that comfort was taken away from me.

 I will never forget that day. I was sitting at my office and I got a phone call from my neighbors who happened to be home that afternoon. They told me "I'm sorry to tell you this, but your house was broke into, and they stole a lot of stuff. We saw the kids running down the ally with a TV and called the cops."  I immediately went into panic mode, emotions ran over me. I had so many questions, were my dogs ok? Was Chris home? How did they get in? Etc.... It was emotions that I had never felt before, feelings that I never knew existed.

 I was angry, re-leaved, yet scared all at once. When I finally got home the cops were parked outside my house. They said that they had caught the kids.  As I walked up the stoop my sister said "I don't think you are prepared for this" and she was right I wasn't. Tears began to fill my eyes as I walked through the door into my empty cold living room. The further back I walked the colder it got. My poor babies were still in their kennel staring at a gaping hole in our back window, that a huge rock had shattered a few hours before. They were shivering and scared, but I was so happy that they were unharmed. Trae came to our rescue that night and helped board up the window to keep the heat in as the snow began to fall. Once he left, I was so overwhelmed. I started looking for a new place to move to. I didn't want to be there anymore. I was a little angry with Trae for not staying with me that night, but he ensured that we would be Ok. 

It was just my lack of feeling the security of my home that I wanted him there, better yet needed him there.  Everything I had worked so hard for in the last year was taken from me. My sense of security, and my privacy violated. But I couldn't leave my sister there all alone. Chris didn't even stick around long enough to help clean up the glass, that disappointed me to somewhat degree. We cuddled up in my bed that night and attempted to go to sleep. It was a long night. I finally managed to fall asleep around 3am.  In the mix of all things like this going on, two days later I was to be throwing a bachelorette party for Tamara. Things got all messed up after the break-in but we still managed to have a great night.She was so suprised that we pulled it together lastminute with the changes that happened. All the girls pitched in for a limo that night for her.  I was so happy that she wanted me to be a part of her special day.  It meant the world to me. I had moved on to happy thoughts a few days after the break-in and I began looking towards moving into a new home and prepping for Chris and Tamara's wedding day, all the while really thinking about Trae. 

Being involved with the wedding those next couple weeks had my mind racing. I was trying to suppress the wedding bug. I looked at him in a way I could never imagine looking at anyone else. In those moments lost in my thoughts I would turn on Adele's CD 21 and listen to track 9 "one and only" I felt the words to this song almost to the point of bringing tears to my eyes thinking about him and wondering how he felt everyday, wondering if he could forget the past and look forward. It was something I could only hope for. It was what I was trying to do. But he seemed so far away. I could tell he began to withdrawal feelings and time from me, but I didn't know why. He told me things were fine and not to worry. So I did just that. Then it was wedding day. Julie came over that morning to do my hair, and we were supposed to be at the church hours before the ceremony. Carly and I helped line the isle with decorations while we waited for the guests to arrive.

 Since I was part of the wedding Trae came with my sister. He told me he didn't feel so well when I greeted him on the sidewalk. I felt bad, and a little selfish for wanting him there with me. The ceremony was held at Scarritt Bennett Center one of my favorite wedding venues in Nashville because of the history and elegance of the Wightman Chapel. For the longest time I had dreamed of Trae standing at the end of the isle here as I walked my last single steps in life. It was simply a beautiful place, a place for hope, a place I could still dream of that day possibly happening. That day was filled with so much love, happiness, joy and excitement for Chris and Tamara. To See Chris so Happy as he watched his beautiful bride walk towards him brought joy to my heart. 

It was something that he truly deserved and that happiness was what she provided him. The love, strength and loyalty that only one other person in this world could give you, was who she was to him. After the ceremony we all headed over to Sambuca to celebrate with family and friends. Trae ended up leaving early because he didn't feel well, but I at least got a dance out of him. I was a little frustrated that he was leaving me there alone. I knew he didn't feel well, but I didn't want to leave my friends just yet. I felt obligated to be there. I was being selfish and I knew I was, but this was a once in a lifetime evening for one of my dearest and oldest friends. I only wish he would have stuck it out a little longer that night. Then maybe things would have been different the next few days. But instead they took a turn south. 

.:XOXO TMARIE:.

The Big Easy

We loaded the cooler down with snacks for the road, packed the car, and headed south late on December 29. We drove all through the night. I was the first to drive, so I could take a nap before getting into New Orleans since I have never been there, I wanted to be able to look around instead of focusing on driving.  After driving for a few hours, we made the switch. I fell asleep while it was still a little dark. Trae and my sister had been ranting about this book the Hunger Games. So when I woke he played the audibles book for me to get started on the book. We listened to the book for a few hours, then as we approached the bridge and could see the skyline ahead of New Orleans it was time to navigate to our hotel in the French Quarter. I'm usually designated as the navigator and Trae the driver on our roads trips once we have reached our destinations, since he is the better driver.
The city streets were crazy busy, construction took us a different way than our map but we still arrived at our hotel safely. The Chateau Dupre....we looked right at each other and said, "hmmmm this is it?" It was a small little Inn with painted brick, a small lobby and old corridors. The website describes it as Luxury.  LMAO, I said, "you sure you want to stay here?" We both collectively agreed it was illogical that we would be able to find somewhere else since it was New Years Eve and he wasn't going to be able to get a refund for this room, so we sucked it up and made the best of it. Heck we weren't going to be in the room very long anyways. Now, the street our hotel was on was so small, we literally had to park in the street to check-in. It was the strangest uncomfortable feeling with my new car to do that.

 So we teamed up and he checked in as I unloaded the car quickly on to the rack. Then he went to go find parking. Our Hotel was on the south side of the French Quarter. They didn't have parking so we had to find a lot for my car for the next two days.  When he got back he said it was a fiasco but he found one that looked pretty safe, it was about 3 blocks from our hotel. Once we were checked-in and unloaded everything to the room, we were ready to explore. I couldn't wait! We walked all around the French Quarter that day. It was so blissful. This city became my favorite city in the USA. I loved the culture, I loved the blues, the people, the food, the drinks and just how laid back the city was. We had  a simple dinner that evening on Bourbon Street. Oh it was so delicious! I have much love for Red Beans and Rice, and shrimp, and Trae wanted duck.  When I ordered the shrimp appetizer I had NO idea it was gona come out looking like real shrimp! Heads and all! EWW he had to help me eat them, because I was a little freaked out. We enjoyed the dinner, and watching the people pass by sipping on our BlueMoon. It was perfect.
 Since It was early still, we headed back to change clothes and decided lets do the night on Bourbon, so we were shocked that depending on what time it was we could get 3for1s! Oh my it was crazy but we loved it. I loved him. I loved it being the two of us. I couldn't do this with anyone else. He was my best friend, and all we needed was each other. I was so happy looking into eyes, watching him sing the music that was around us, and dancing free spirited around him. We stayed out late that night and I was so tired. I didn't want to walk all the way back because my feet were hurting LOL, so he grabbed me a bike cabby and we went up to bed. The next morning we slept in pretty long, but still had time to get brunch down near the French Market.

This cool little indoor/outdoor flea market. After walking around all afternoon his Dad sent us on a mission for Beignets and coffee. And we found a cute little place in the Quarter. They were really good, but really tasted like funnels cakes I use to eat as a kid at the fair. Later that afternoon we went up to the room to nap before dinner. It was New Years Eve, the last few hours of a year that I learned so much about myself, my friends, my family, and the love I truly felt for Trae. I was so happy that I was spending those last few memories of that year with him. As we started getting ready I remember thinking how I was so excited to wear my mask, to see the fireworks and to kiss him at midnight, in the streets filled with people from all over the world who came here to celebrate the new year also. The city had shut down Decatur street for the night for pedestrians which was great because that was the street our hotel was on, so we walked down to a little restaurant just within distance of Jackson Square where later we would countdown the seconds to 2012. The line to get in the restaurant was pretty long, but we got there just in time.
 There were about 6 people ahead of us 4 of which just from small talk about my mask we found out were from the Nashville/ Tullahoma area. Once they were seated, the hostess came out to get us and ironcally we were seated right beside them. We decided to push our tables together and embrace that we had made some new friends. One of the things I love about Trae and I is that we just go with flow, we can talk to just about anyone. The 2 couples we met were so cool, we had mutual friends in the Nashville area. After dinner Trae and I headed back to the room for me to get something really quick, and then we ran into them at a little mask shop just a few stores down from dinner. We decided it would be fun to hangout the 6 of us. As we continued our walk to Jackson Square, people on the balconies that lined the street were throwing beads to those walking down below as if it were Mardi Gras. So the girls and I said what the heck if they are just throwing why not go get some. HAHA, we had so many beads after that, I was almost knocked out by some actually. It was pretty hilarious. We had our drinks, cigars, and were taking pictures standing in the middle of the street surrounded by thousands of people until we began to hear the countdown.

 Then it was a slow 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2- HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Followed by the most perfect kiss that blocked out the sounds of horns, people cheering and confetti blowing in the breeze around us, like I was in bubble protected from all things around me. And when I opened my eyes, I came to, I could hear all things around me and looking at him I just smiled and said "I love you." It was a perfect New Years Eve. It definitely was the best one I've ever spent with my best friend and the love of my life. After the countdown we all walked over to Bourbon Street for some music and dancing at our favorite place from those few days "Howl at the Moon" A dueling piano bar til early into the morning hours. Exhausted as we all were, we said our good byes hoping to see each other sometime in Nashville. That ride home was a long one the next day. I was so tired. Trae drove most of the way back until we reached Birmingham for a pit stop. I had pretty much finished the first Hunger Games book as we rolled into Nashville. I didn't want to be home yet. I didn't want the weekend to end. Everything was so perfect, and I was afraid of change now that we were back to reality.
XOXO.:TMARIE:.

Spirit of Christmas

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. -Calvin Coolidge

After having a wonderful Thanksgiving with family it really set the mood for December. I had the Spirit of Christmas burning through me. It was going to be a busy month! I was working so many promos, and having holiday cocktails with friends. I loved every bit of it! I think its because I didn't enjoy those moments as much the year before until it was almost to late. Not this year, I wan't going to let my favorite time of giving pass me by. I couldn't wait to put up our Christmas tree, hang our stockings, and decorate our house with lights outside. I even planned a Christmas party for my girls. Shopping for them, cooking for them, everything was so fun! It was a little difficult picking the date for the party but we all managed to find a night.

The scent of cinnamon apples and the exchange of candles and laughter, filled my living room over wine and hors d'oeuvres. Chris played a private acoustic session for us. We even skyped with Jennifer who wasn't able to be there because she was in Cali. It was a great night. I was so happy how it turned out. That following weekend I went to Indy for Christmas with Rachel since she was in Nashville for Thanksgiving. We open gifts, went out on the town. It was nothing too crazy, just simple time together. On the last day I was there we had tickets to the Titans vs Colts game. It was my first time at Lucas Oil Stadium. I was definitely impressed in the facility. The game was somewhat of a shocker though. It didn't quite turn out how everyone anticipated it to. That season the Titan's were a little rocky, but the Colts oh my, they were terrible, because they lost Peyton Manning to an injury. Something happened in this game though.

The Colts ended up winning their first game all season! That blue and white confetti had waited months to be released from its holding place. Kinda, ironic how that happened. When I made it home, it was only a week and half until Christmas. I had the MillerCoors Mistletoe party with my SPEAKeasy ladies that week. Lina and I entertained ourselves all night in the photo booth. Trae came for the free beer and then we went Honky Tonkin after I was released.  It was such a merry time with my girls. I still had shopping to do for family and Trae. I was starting to stress over his present. I knew he wanted a guitar, but geez they were so expensive. Then one day at work I finally found one online, I was so excited. It was perfect. There were many more celebrations that week. It was Tiffany's birthday, Jennifer and Josh were in town for Christmas, we all got together for drinks and catching up. It truly felt like Christmas. I was so blessed. Trae and I had points that holiday season that we didn't know if we were going to continue working on things.
We both had moments and people that we still connected with, I had thoughts that maybe this wasn't right, that maybe there was someone else that was better for me out there, and I just wasn't giving myself the opportunity to explore those feelings.
 I tried many times before but,  he was always the one person that my feelings stayed constant for. The one my heart raced for. We had decided after everything we were trying to do, that we owed it to ourselves to go somewhere just the two of us for New Years. Years before that we always spent this night in the company of friends. But this was different. After the exchanging of presents and time with the family. A few days later we packed the car and headed to the NOLA! It was going to be my first time there, and I couldn't wait to walk down Bourbon Street!
.:XOXO TMARIE:.

Those to be Thankful For

It was now November the month to give thanks for all the things that you had in your life. I had started working promotions again this month with SPEAKeasy. I was making new friends and growing older friendships that needing a little watering. The new girls I worked with were something of a breath of fresh air. They looked up to me, but I looked up to them for the accomplishments they had in there life as well. Lina for instance, she is the kindest soul I've met in a long time. So naturally beautiful, her personality shines with a sense of innocence to the way people can be in this world and I love that about her. She is always so sweet and never feels a sense of entitlement to anything. She just has this amazing free spirit, and a beautiful daughter as her mini side kick. I am so happy to have them both in my life. Its like having someone always there to remind you that no matter what you have been through, that you can do anything and still be as kind-hearted to the people around you. 

Then there's Tiffany, T-Squared is what we like to call ourselves. LOL its always an on going joke when we worked together when people ask us our names. They never believe us or they blurt out T-Squared! Well anyways, I've known Tiffany for a long time, we had always remained friends, but it wasn't until this recent 2 years that we became closer as friends. We had moved close to each other in Brentwood when I moved out of Trae's. She was there those nights that I just didn't want to go out but needed a friend and a glass of wine to talk. I was happy to have made such a good friend out of an acquaintanceship from previous years. I remember meeting her when she was just in high school, we still look back and laugh about those days and how crazy it was that we ended up where we are today and how our circle of friends connected. It was truly a blessing meeting her.

 I somehow think that we were supposed to be close friends all along, it was just a matter of our paths in life colliding at the right times. Now that they finally had, I know I would always have this beautiful soul to count on. Peyton and I had been friends since high school, we grew so much closer those long summer months. He was always there for me, a place to workout frustrations in the gym, or lay out by the pool where he could scope out the ladies. Either way we were like Bonnie and Clyde that summer. As November rolled around, we celebrated our Thanks with a night of Charity for his organization the Phoenix Club. Rachel came down from Indy for our "Twinky Thanksgiving" we enjoyed the Taste of Nashville event then headed downtown to do a little "honky-tonkin." 

Of all the times she had been here, we never once went down to Broadway. I usually steered clear of that area because of Trae, but now I loved to go because of Trae. He took me a few nights that Fall and I truly enjoyed it. Maybe it was just I was so tired of seeing the same people all the time, but this became fun to me, and working promos down there helped me know what nights to go. I was so thankful to have such strong relationships with these people because, Trae and I were doing alright at this point but it wasn't anywhere near the way I wanted it.

 He was still having doubts about me, and I about him. We were constantly battling the fact of trusting each other. There were so many reasons for us not to trust each other. But to trust in the love we had for each other was something we didn't quite understand, and with all the doubt I was experiencing with him, to have these people there and my SPEAKeasy team of girls, it kept my mind and heart sane. Thanksgiving day I found myself boarding the plane to Pennsylvania for my first Thanksgiving as a complete family. 

There were so many thoughts running through my mind about how this was going to go. We as long as I can remember hadn't been all together in a long time. There were always family matters that prevented us from being together as a family. I honestly wasn't too excited about going. All of the preconceived thoughts that kept us apart for so long scared me a little. But I went for my Dad. It meant the world to him to have all of his girls together and grand-kids. I chose to fly alone to PA to gather my thoughts and prepare myself for what could happen while I was there.

 But once I landed in Philly and on my layover I sat with a glass of wine in the airport and realized that everyone was waiting on me. That they were all together, happy in each others company. Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all. I picked up a little airplane for Rowan because he was going to be there to greet me at the airport. I was so happy to see Laurie, Brett and Rowan. When we got to Nikki's house everyone was in such bright spirits. We were family, like we had been doing this for years. The food was amazing, the desserts even better. But it was great to see my nephews and sisters. This time that brought us all together was what we needed as a family. We even went black Friday shopping that night around Midnight. LOL Oh the crazies you see during that time was hilarious.

 It was cold, and we didn't want to stand in line so we sat in the car until the doors opened and made a mad dash for the entry way. HAHA, everyone was so pissed off but it was funny to us. The next day we spent taking family portraits, and Nikki and Matt took us to this awesome place to eat dinner called the Bube's Brewery that sat above catacombs in PA. It was such an amazing place. They couldn't have picked anywhere better. Later that night we met up with our cousins at a little bar in town. My parents dropped us off, and as the Brensinger's walked in we all sat and ordered drinks, catching up, singing, and laughing like we did as kids...

then a song starts playing "Forever Young" and as I sat my glass of wine down from taking a sip....I look up and my parents are walking in. It was such an appropriate song for the two of them. When they sat down to join us, they said, we drove around the parking lot and decided we weren't ready to go home. Haha, this is why I love my parents. They are such an inspiration on how a marriage should be. I want that best friend for life and I wanted it with Trae. It was just a matter of time for us to get back on that  level. After the long weekend celebrating, and giving thanks to a family once forgotten, now saved....

 I look back at how things were and so happy that we had this time to reconnect as siblings. These were some of things I found myself being thankful that Thanksgiving.

.:XOXO TMARIE:.