.:A Love Worth Fighting For:.

 Everything in my world was moving along smoothly. I just had an amazing weekend in Indy. One of my best friends got engaged. I was so happy for her! One of my closest friends was in town from California to celebrate Tiffany and Jesse's engagement. I was just offered this awesome new job/ career. I was super busy with CMA Fest week. And there it was a text message that stopped me in my tracks. You know, one of those kinda of text messages you only hope for, but never see. The kind that make you question everything no matter how good your life seems. That's what I received that next week. Questions began running through my mind like "Did we do everything we could?" "Do I Love him enough to go back?" "Am I really happy with who I am with now?' "Where does a future stand in my new beginning relationship?" "I gave it my second chance already....do I try again?"
I was so confused, but trying to stay focused at work for training the new employee that was replacing  me, and trying to think logically and not with my heart this time. I was a complete mess and not to mention I was beginning one of my busiest months of the year for promotions, CMA Fest, and starting a new job. I didn't need anymore decisions on my plate and I was pretty content with how things were with Tristan. So I entertained some of the text messages and stood my ground on the fact that we had already given it a second chance just a few months ago and it just wasn't working. As much as I knew deep down that I truly loved Trae it was hard for me to walk away from being happy, for the uncertainty of another failing attempt to salvage what it was that we had for so many years.
For a week I juggled the pros and cons and had lunches, dinners, even worked countless promotions with girlfriends and all the while trying to come to some decision. When the last day I was working for CMA Fest rolled around I worked like 12 hrs that day. I was dead tired and Trae was pushing for me to tell him something, anything for that matter,  that could give him closure or hope in a future for us.  I worked that day with Tiffany, she was kinda the rock to my sanity that week. We had lunch and just talked about everything that I was feeling at that moment. So that night I decided that I needed to see where Tristan's mind was with our relationship and when his answer didn't have much clarity I then took a step back and re-evaluated everything that I was thinking. Was I making the right decision? Little did I know that would be the last time I saw Tristan.
When the fireworks began that Sunday night it was a celebration for the locals that CMA Fest was over! I was so exhausted from such an emotional and busy week. I was looking forward to the following night Monday June 11, when Trae and  I would sit down face to face to talk about everything.  We agreed to have dinner at Crow's Nest. It was the first time I had seen him in about 2 months. I was immediately overwhelmed with emotions and questions. I wanted answers, not just to the questions I was feeling, but to the questions from everything that went wrong to begin with. Answers to why it took so long, and why now, why not 2 months prior. We sat at that restaurant for 4 hours, laughing, crying, reminiscing  it was something that we had never done before. It was a conversation open to anything and everything we wanted to know about each other, whether the past or the present. He was different. His heart was not as cold or locked away like it had always been.
I could feel the genuine love that he was pouring out to me and laying everything on the line for just another chance to make me sincerely happy.  I finally got some closure that night as well. Just sitting there across the table from him I could feel my heart pounding telling me what it needed.  When he walked me to my car after dinner and put his arms around me to hug me goodbye and kissed my forehead, tears came to my eyes. I loved him so much, I wanted this to happen for so long. I told him that I needed time to think about everything tonight. He told me to do what feels right in my heart. When I drove off, I knew what that answer was, but he didn't.

 The next morning when I got work I got a text from Trae that was a simple link to a YouTube video, I had my second recruit starting so I was training two ladies at that point for my last week at Meiko. So I stepped outside to listen to it and it was Jason Mraz, "I Won't Give Up" This made my heart melt, and brought tears to me eyes. The next day Trae and I had lunch together, and then Thursday night we had dinner together. I was inevitably in love with this man and I knew that I was. I never stopped loving him. So what do you do when everything you have ever wanted is standing right in front of you? I hope that you choose to do what I did and....Take a leap of Faith! That's a Love worth fighting for!! I love you Trae Patterson!



.:XOXO TMARIE:.

I've Been Looking for Destiny

It is amazing how much influence Social Media has on our relationships today. I remember when dating was picking up the phone and calling each other. Now I was faced with losing the person I loved most because of Facebook. Social Media has made people today crazy in believing everything they see or read about the lives of people they know. The public appearance of relationships has never been so important in our lives until now thanks to Social Media. I am definitely at fault to expressing my feelings to the virtual world at times of weakness, but does it help to portray our perfect lives everyday to everyone? Probably not.

 Everyone today is so worried about everyone else that they lose sight on something or someone that is worth fighting through all the bullshit for or for the things in life that are normal, like actually seeing each other to hold your relationships and friendships together and not relying on Facebook, Twitter, or any social media sites for that matter. Easter weekend I chose to believe what Facebook portrayed to me and walked away, with out any room for explanation, or reconciliation in the future. That moment of letting go was hard for me to do, but didn't hurt as bad as the first time. I knew that I gave it what I could, and I was happy with my efforts in trying to save us. But the end result lead to a separated path. Reflecting on the opportunities that were before me. I wanted to leave town and move finally.

 I began pursuing career opportunities everywhere, along with working a lot of promotions, and spending time with friends and running with Girls on the Run after school charity program. A few weeks later while I was out working one night I met a group of people from out of town. They were temporarily living in Nashville for work. After work that night my friends and I met up  to hang out with them. I had such a great time that I decided it wouldn't hurt to get to know one of the guys I met that night. He made me laugh and brought simple happy emotions to my life at that point in time. The chemistry that we had immediately was amazing. The following week he left to go home to visit family, I ran into Trae and Christian after working a promo.

 It had been a little over a month since we had seen each other last. I immediately became very emotional, it was so good to see Christian, but words were said between Trae and I that were not nice. I met Christian a few days later for dinner to catch up. We talked about my job opportunities, my new dating interest and of course my relationship with Trae. That was the last subject I wanted to talk about but it was something he knew all to well. He made some great points that night to me that would later help me. 

After a week or so I began bringing Tristan around friends and we began dating, everyone really liked how laid back and easy going he was. He was quite a trooper and as sweet as he could be to me. We did a lot of things during the month of May, from Predators playoff games to many nights in Nashville with friends.  I took him and his friends to see Chris Nathan play one night and when the song "Girl By the Window"  began it shined a light on these lyrics that I love...."I've been looking for destiny, so won't you come rescue me?" I was definitely in need of rescuing. I believed that I had found a simple happiness with Tristan, but was facing the uncertainty of how long the relationship would actually last, knowing he was here in Nashville til the end of the year. I still took that risk,  because I had nothing to lose. 

We planned on going to Indianapolis for Memorial Day weekend and the Indy 500.  I had also been interviewing for jobs in the Nashville area and a few were very promising. We hit the road to Indy for the weekend. It was so much fun, one of best weekends I've had up there. Everyone was very fond of Tristan and I. It was a crazy weekend of no sleep once again. He met a lot of acquaintances through me that weekend and with little to my knowledge would carry over once we were back in Nashville. Its so funny how nice you can be to people and when you turn your back for the slightest moment they can stick a knife in it so fast. 

When I got home to Nashville it was a short week of work and on that Friday June 1, I was offered a job I was wanting so bad! I couldn't believe it. It was a job I had been wanting for a while, one that involved travel, and sales. I immediately put in my 2 weeks at Meiko and began counting down the days. I was so excited. That same weekend I received an unexpected text from Trae that would turn everything in my world upside down. 

.:XOXO TMARIE:.

Blinded by Love

There was a lot of thinking still that needed to be done about the future that Trae and I had, if there even was one to think about. He was leaving the next weekend to go snowboarding in Cali for a week, and wasn't going to be home for Valentines day and I was kinda upset about it. I know it was selfish of me to want this after I just had an awesome vacation the weekend before. But I was supposed to go on the trip snowboarding, and work wouldn't let me off for the week. When Valentine's day rolled around, we talked on the phone, and my sister and I went to have dinner together.
But there were no flowers, or cards etc... It wasn't quite how I wanted the evening to go. I laid down to go to sleep that night, lonely and sad because I missed him.
Little did I know the whole day he had been trying to get home to see me before midnight. Around 11:30 pm he called me. I answered and he asked what I was doing....LOL I said "um laying in bed about to go to sleep...what you you doing?" He said ..."did you get the package that I had Zach drop off?" I said,  "No ...what package?" He said,  "I know its late but he just dropped it off for you and its on your porch will you go get it?"  I then got out of bed put on my robe and headed downstairs. When I got to the front door there he was!! I couldn't believe it, I was so incredibly happy that it brought tears to me eyes. He said, "I made it before the day was over...Happy Valentines day" After seeing posts on Facebook all day about flowers, candy, gifts, etc....I then realized it wasn't about all that. It was about being with the person you love. It was the best Valentines Day I've ever had. I couldn't believe he surprised me.
We were happy, the rest of the month there was no fighting etc... he bought a Harley while I was in Atlanta for work over the next weekend! I thought he was crazy for that...I even told him he should of been "ring shopping" while I was out town not "Harley Shopping" he just laughed and said that comes after the next toy... a boat....I said yeah right, if I am around long enough for that. But boys and their toys what can you expect.  I was happy for him and I couldn't wait to ride on the back of it myself. The following weekend we celebrated my Birthday with friends at Citizen. Then before you know it another month had passed. It was now March, I moved into my new place in Sylvan park.
 We had countless motorcycle rides, Sundays spent at my parents where taught me how to shoot my first handgun, I was really happy. I thought he was too. We were almost inseparable. I had asked my friend Amy if she could get me tickets to the Kings vs Predators game so I could surprise him with a date night. She was so awesome and hooked me up with seats on the glass.... He was so excited and couldn't believe how awesome the seats were and that they were behind the Kings bench.
 Everything was so blissful until social media took its toll on our relationship. One of the worst feelings ever is to know how much you love someone, and see that they may be happier with out you. Or not knowing the truth behind posts that people displayed along with things that were purposing hidden from you to be able to see. How do you feel about it, what do you say about it? I questioned everything up until that point if it was true, if the emotional connection that we had was true. I had already bought us tickets to the opening show at midnight for the Hunger Games. It was a movie that we had both been looking forward to after reading the books. I battled every single emotion that night before going to the movie, Heartache, Love, Anger, Sadness, Regret, Hope, Fear, Anxiety, Guilt, Anticipation, Excitement and the list goes on.
We talked, we argued, frustrated with each other about everything and if sincerely we were ready to move forward. But all with the fear of letting go once more. I didn't know what else to do but to go see the movie, because I knew there was no one else in the world I would rather be with at that moment.
But the next morning would make for a different outcome...The one where I faced my fears and walked away, giving him the space once more and moving on. I had done everything I thought I could possibly do to save what we had. It just wasn't enough at that point in time. When Easter weekend rolled around he left to go out of town and couldn't compromise plans to spend part of it with me, it pretty much closed the book on Trae and I. I knew from that point that there was no saving us. I needed to do what was best for me, for my happiness.

.:XOXO TMARIE:.

Super Bowl XLVI

After the wedding, the fighting began. We argued for days about what we were, what we were doing with each other. All the normal questions that arise after you hit a certain point in a relationship. Then questioning trust, loyalty, and faithfulness became topics that inevitably was tearing us apart. We weren't ready, or he wasn't ready. I was completely ready for us to move forward but could feel the doubt in his presence whether or not he had given up the past, the urge to be single and in the game. This was OK for him to feel, but was it healthy for us? No. I needed time away to think or not to think, but to just be away. Luckily I had planned the previous summer that I would be going to Indianapolis for my birthday and the Superbowl. I didn't have a ticket to the game but I was just excited to be a part of everything else that weekend. Rachel had planned a ton of stuff for us to do while I was there. So I loaded up my suitcase and hit the road for an unforgettable weekend.

The weekend started as soon as I arrived in town. She also had two other girls going out with us that night. They were from her pageant circuit days, and were sweet as can be and hilarious!
So we all got dolled up and headed to the ESPN Magazine party for the Drake performance that night. As you can probably only imagine, we were in sports athlete heaven for those of you who are interested. I met several people that night mingling through the party. Probably one of the funniest moments was when Cam Newton's "friend" approached our entourage with the classic line "Hey Ladies how are you doing tonight? I would like you to meet one of my friends".....and there stands Cam. Whats really funny was that I shook his hand said hello and headed to the bar to get a drink while the other girls talk for a minute or two while I'm at the bar. When I get back they are walking away and Rachel says to me "you know who that is right??" I said "No.....who?" she says "Cam Newton" I said back to her "hahahaha oops I totally dissed him with a Hello and a dip out of the conversation." LMAO we just laughed. One of the best moments of the night. That night we also met Tim Tebow who I was thoroughly not impressed with and tons of other people.

 Rachel and Terrell Owens had been friends for awhile and we were all supposed to meet  up here then go to the next party together. While we waited for T.O. to show up we walked and talked among all the NFL alumni. It was quite an entertaining party. Upon his late arrival we finally got our group together for the next party. The after party at Sensu. We show up and the club is getting ready to close. Rachel and Terrell tried pulling as many strings as they could but the door guy wasn't budging. Looks like even if you're an NFL star and a Local Celebrity whose station promotes your business they don't care and will turn their heads to you as they let people in the back door down the ally.  It was quite a joke so we said forget it, we will have our own after party! It was gourmet microwave pizza's by Jackie in the hotel suite and laughter about the night and how stupid Sensu was earlier, followed by all of us piling up in the cab back to Rachel's. This was just night one. We had a couple more to go! 

The next day Rachel and I went to eat at one of our fav places to cure our hangover, Barcelona's. It was a dreary kinda of day, rainy and cold. Of course we had no umbrella and needed one, so as we walked to Superbowl Village, we stopped and got one. Frolicking through downtown Indy headed to the Celebrity Beach bowl we decided to change course, and we met up with one of my friends Blake who had seen on Facebook that I was in town and said we all needed to meet up for lunch. Well since we just ate lunch we joined them for drinks to start the afternoon at Capitol Grill. Little did we know that this would change the whole outcome of the weekend. Blake was having lunch with 2 of his friends, JJ and Stephen. We had no clue who they were by the names. When we got there it was just Blake and JJ.  

We soon found out through conversation about where everyone was staying, who JJ was. It stood for Jerrel Jernigan, the rookie wide receiver for the New York Giants. Blake and JJ had been friends for long time because they were from the same home town in Alabama.  Stephen showed up after us because his meeting ran over. When he got there I still didn't have a clue who he was. Friendly conversation was passed around about the radio show that he had and Rachel's. It was an inside joke for the guys because they knew Stephen's show reached a much larger audience.
 Blake mentioned he was going to possibly have an extra ticket for me for the game on Sunday if one of his friends couldn't make it in town in time.  So we all made plans to go to the Maxim together that night as a group.  It wasn't until after we left to roam around the NFL Experience with Blake that he said do you even know who Stephen is? We both said "No".....he laughed and said "that was Stephen Baldwin." Rachel about died laughing about her competition on how many listeners she had compared to him. We couldn't stop laughing about how non star-struck we were. We did the classic Tim Tebow pose, as people stared at us outside under the Zipline, walked around some more and then headed back to her place to rest and get ready for the night. 

I met up with everyone at Capitol Grill for dinner while Rachel was at an appearance for work. I found out just before dinner that my additional ticket was claimed because Blake's friend Brooks had just made it to his hotel before all of us going to dinner. 

The NFL Alumni association was staying at the Conrad Hotel attached, and it was full of Celebrities walking throughout the lobby and the Capitol Grill. Drew Brees, Danny Devito (Shortest man alive lol) LMFAO (and their ridiculous outfits) Robert Randolph, Tracy Morgan just to name a few. It was certainly an experience of a life time. I was enjoying every moment of this Epic weekend. Trae was on my mind but with all the fighting going on prior to me leaving, he didn't seem to care if I called or not. Nor was he remotely interested on how my weekend was going. But, I did my best checking in with him and trying to talk to him throughout the weekend and telling him how much fun I was having. After we all ate and Rachel got there. We were running really behind to the party, and after standing waiting on the limo my bossy self and sense of needing to be in control kicked in, and I started walking up the street to catch a cab to the party.

Everyone told me it wouldn't work, well you know what?? I pulled up in a cab and picked everyone up and we headed to the party. Red Carpet entrance and all. Rachel saw Marco Andretti one of her long time friends and James Hinchcliffe so we went over to say hello which was a fiasco because they were sitting with Ludacris. Whom Blake knew too. Everything was so surreal....and we were having the time of our lives. At the end of the party we saw DJ Vice unplug his laptop and hop off the stage. Instead of catching a cab back we got on the after party limo bus with our group....which low and behold DJ Vice was setting up his laptop for the ride!! Only would this happen to us.
When we got to the after party we saw Lil Jon, and  LMFAO  up on the balcony spinning tracks until DJ Vice took over. It was simply a crazy turn of events. We partied until 4 am and then got a cab ride back at the close of the night. The next morning was Superbowl Sunday we had brunch that day at Rock Bottom brewery and talked about all of us getting ready for the tailgate parties and meeting up before the game, only thing was that I was the ONLY person sitting at the table without a ticket. I was OK with that too,  I would simply tailgate then go watch it somewhere downtown. Stephen said that just wasn't an option and that I would be going to the game if he could find an extra ticket. As our group was leaving the restaurant I got a fair share of Celebrity paparazzi, people were taking pictures of us and wanting pictures with Stephen, it was quite hilarious.

While getting ready with Rachel we ran over so many options about the game and what to wear etc. She was taking her Dad to the game with her extra ticket, which was the sweetest thing. I couldn't even be upset at her for that....I would totally take my Dad to the Superbowl if I had that opportunity. When he got to her place we all left and headed to the stadium to the Maxim tailgate party. On the way at 2:45 pm on Superbowl Sunday I got a text from Blake that said "you owe me" and I said "why...?" he then replied back with "You're going to the Superbowl" I then immediately jumped up and down with excitement!! and called him. He said that Stephen had pulled through and got me an extra ticket. I was so ecstatic and happy. I didn't care where the seat was, who I was sitting next to, or even the fact that I would be sitting solo!
 I was going and it was a once in a lifetime opportunity that I would be at this Epic game. Rachel, her Dad and I met up with all of them at the tailgate and took photos etc, we then got a car to take us to the NFL Alumni Assocation to pick up my ticket to the game. While we were there, I met LL Cool J, Vivica Fox and many more. The biggest surprise of the whole weekend was when Stephen walked over to me and said I have your ticket. He opened the envelope and there were 3 tickets. It was mine, his, and he Radio station cohost's....we were all sitting together! I asked how did that happen and he said his brother had these extra tickets he forgot about so he gave him the option to do what he wanted with them and he kept them for all of us to sit together and gave up his other seats. I was so excited, and so lucky! I couldn't believe I was actually getting my ticket just an hour before kickoff, and I was going to be on the 4th row Giants Sideline. It was unbelievable. That game I cheered on the Giants for Jerrel, I got to see music legend Madonna perform during the half time show. All from 4 rows back from the the field. 

The New York Giants won Superbowl XLVI 21-17. The celebration then started late into the night.....we caught up with everyone after the game for dinner at Capitol Grill. We had the side room reserved for our large party, which included 3 of the Baldwin Brothers, Stephen, Alec, Billy and friends. It was incredible  We then went to the Giants post-game party at the Marriott to celebrate their victory with Jerrel. This night of frolicking ended up at Jimmy Fallon's after party. We laughed, had drinks among each other and joked around the rest of the night with Jimmy who was a hilarious character. It was the perfect close to the weekend of craziness and celebrity encounters. I have never been around so many awesome people in one weekend. I woke up the next day not looking forward to the drive home. It such an awesome weekend. Sleep was not an option most of it and I was Exhausted!!!!!!!!! But it was EPIC, a weekend to mark off of my Bucket list too! A weekend unforgettable. But no matter how tired I was, I was ready to be back home.