I've Been Looking for Destiny

It is amazing how much influence Social Media has on our relationships today. I remember when dating was picking up the phone and calling each other. Now I was faced with losing the person I loved most because of Facebook. Social Media has made people today crazy in believing everything they see or read about the lives of people they know. The public appearance of relationships has never been so important in our lives until now thanks to Social Media. I am definitely at fault to expressing my feelings to the virtual world at times of weakness, but does it help to portray our perfect lives everyday to everyone? Probably not.

 Everyone today is so worried about everyone else that they lose sight on something or someone that is worth fighting through all the bullshit for or for the things in life that are normal, like actually seeing each other to hold your relationships and friendships together and not relying on Facebook, Twitter, or any social media sites for that matter. Easter weekend I chose to believe what Facebook portrayed to me and walked away, with out any room for explanation, or reconciliation in the future. That moment of letting go was hard for me to do, but didn't hurt as bad as the first time. I knew that I gave it what I could, and I was happy with my efforts in trying to save us. But the end result lead to a separated path. Reflecting on the opportunities that were before me. I wanted to leave town and move finally.

 I began pursuing career opportunities everywhere, along with working a lot of promotions, and spending time with friends and running with Girls on the Run after school charity program. A few weeks later while I was out working one night I met a group of people from out of town. They were temporarily living in Nashville for work. After work that night my friends and I met up  to hang out with them. I had such a great time that I decided it wouldn't hurt to get to know one of the guys I met that night. He made me laugh and brought simple happy emotions to my life at that point in time. The chemistry that we had immediately was amazing. The following week he left to go home to visit family, I ran into Trae and Christian after working a promo.

 It had been a little over a month since we had seen each other last. I immediately became very emotional, it was so good to see Christian, but words were said between Trae and I that were not nice. I met Christian a few days later for dinner to catch up. We talked about my job opportunities, my new dating interest and of course my relationship with Trae. That was the last subject I wanted to talk about but it was something he knew all to well. He made some great points that night to me that would later help me. 

After a week or so I began bringing Tristan around friends and we began dating, everyone really liked how laid back and easy going he was. He was quite a trooper and as sweet as he could be to me. We did a lot of things during the month of May, from Predators playoff games to many nights in Nashville with friends.  I took him and his friends to see Chris Nathan play one night and when the song "Girl By the Window"  began it shined a light on these lyrics that I love...."I've been looking for destiny, so won't you come rescue me?" I was definitely in need of rescuing. I believed that I had found a simple happiness with Tristan, but was facing the uncertainty of how long the relationship would actually last, knowing he was here in Nashville til the end of the year. I still took that risk,  because I had nothing to lose. 

We planned on going to Indianapolis for Memorial Day weekend and the Indy 500.  I had also been interviewing for jobs in the Nashville area and a few were very promising. We hit the road to Indy for the weekend. It was so much fun, one of best weekends I've had up there. Everyone was very fond of Tristan and I. It was a crazy weekend of no sleep once again. He met a lot of acquaintances through me that weekend and with little to my knowledge would carry over once we were back in Nashville. Its so funny how nice you can be to people and when you turn your back for the slightest moment they can stick a knife in it so fast. 

When I got home to Nashville it was a short week of work and on that Friday June 1, I was offered a job I was wanting so bad! I couldn't believe it. It was a job I had been wanting for a while, one that involved travel, and sales. I immediately put in my 2 weeks at Meiko and began counting down the days. I was so excited. That same weekend I received an unexpected text from Trae that would turn everything in my world upside down. 

.:XOXO TMARIE:.

Blinded by Love

There was a lot of thinking still that needed to be done about the future that Trae and I had, if there even was one to think about. He was leaving the next weekend to go snowboarding in Cali for a week, and wasn't going to be home for Valentines day and I was kinda upset about it. I know it was selfish of me to want this after I just had an awesome vacation the weekend before. But I was supposed to go on the trip snowboarding, and work wouldn't let me off for the week. When Valentine's day rolled around, we talked on the phone, and my sister and I went to have dinner together.
But there were no flowers, or cards etc... It wasn't quite how I wanted the evening to go. I laid down to go to sleep that night, lonely and sad because I missed him.
Little did I know the whole day he had been trying to get home to see me before midnight. Around 11:30 pm he called me. I answered and he asked what I was doing....LOL I said "um laying in bed about to go to sleep...what you you doing?" He said ..."did you get the package that I had Zach drop off?" I said,  "No ...what package?" He said,  "I know its late but he just dropped it off for you and its on your porch will you go get it?"  I then got out of bed put on my robe and headed downstairs. When I got to the front door there he was!! I couldn't believe it, I was so incredibly happy that it brought tears to me eyes. He said, "I made it before the day was over...Happy Valentines day" After seeing posts on Facebook all day about flowers, candy, gifts, etc....I then realized it wasn't about all that. It was about being with the person you love. It was the best Valentines Day I've ever had. I couldn't believe he surprised me.
We were happy, the rest of the month there was no fighting etc... he bought a Harley while I was in Atlanta for work over the next weekend! I thought he was crazy for that...I even told him he should of been "ring shopping" while I was out town not "Harley Shopping" he just laughed and said that comes after the next toy... a boat....I said yeah right, if I am around long enough for that. But boys and their toys what can you expect.  I was happy for him and I couldn't wait to ride on the back of it myself. The following weekend we celebrated my Birthday with friends at Citizen. Then before you know it another month had passed. It was now March, I moved into my new place in Sylvan park.
 We had countless motorcycle rides, Sundays spent at my parents where taught me how to shoot my first handgun, I was really happy. I thought he was too. We were almost inseparable. I had asked my friend Amy if she could get me tickets to the Kings vs Predators game so I could surprise him with a date night. She was so awesome and hooked me up with seats on the glass.... He was so excited and couldn't believe how awesome the seats were and that they were behind the Kings bench.
 Everything was so blissful until social media took its toll on our relationship. One of the worst feelings ever is to know how much you love someone, and see that they may be happier with out you. Or not knowing the truth behind posts that people displayed along with things that were purposing hidden from you to be able to see. How do you feel about it, what do you say about it? I questioned everything up until that point if it was true, if the emotional connection that we had was true. I had already bought us tickets to the opening show at midnight for the Hunger Games. It was a movie that we had both been looking forward to after reading the books. I battled every single emotion that night before going to the movie, Heartache, Love, Anger, Sadness, Regret, Hope, Fear, Anxiety, Guilt, Anticipation, Excitement and the list goes on.
We talked, we argued, frustrated with each other about everything and if sincerely we were ready to move forward. But all with the fear of letting go once more. I didn't know what else to do but to go see the movie, because I knew there was no one else in the world I would rather be with at that moment.
But the next morning would make for a different outcome...The one where I faced my fears and walked away, giving him the space once more and moving on. I had done everything I thought I could possibly do to save what we had. It just wasn't enough at that point in time. When Easter weekend rolled around he left to go out of town and couldn't compromise plans to spend part of it with me, it pretty much closed the book on Trae and I. I knew from that point that there was no saving us. I needed to do what was best for me, for my happiness.

.:XOXO TMARIE:.