At Summers End

First thing to do when I get home was head out to my parents house for some birthday fun and a little family bbq...OK... A LOT of family BBQ. My parents I can say definitely know how to throw a BBQ. I guess you can say thats where I get it from. It was my Dad's bday and my Mom's soon to follow so we had a good 'ole time just sitting out on the deck, drinking some beer, telling stories of my weekend and smelling the food on the grill.

 Late that night I finally got home to rest unload my stuff, and laid down. As I dosed off to sleep, the thoughts running across my head were wow, what a weekend! Not to mention, what was I gona do now? I had no job to wake up for, things with the Doctor got a little strange this weekend. Was I falling for him? It wasn't my intentions, but was that the root cause to some of the feelings I had that weekend? I believe that it was. I like him, it was just a realization that I wasn't ready for. I wasn't ready to move on, I still had things I was dealing with.

 I was confused, and then stressed about not having job. It was just a feeling of comfort that I somewhat was missing in my life and my feelings were reacting to it, or Maybe it was the thought of rejection? No that couldn't be otherwise why would have spent so much time together. Maybe it was time for me to stop trying to be in so much control and just let things be the way they were meant to be. And thats what I did. Pool time, working out, many nights listening to Chris' music helped me get my mind right, and nights with dear friends that summer helped me get through the lonely times.  I finally started a new job, and I was headed to Vegas that following weekend with my sister. It was her first time in the land of sin. 

You know that city of "lost wages" We had a great girls weekend, Jennifer came over from Cali for a night, we adventured to the clubs with people we had just met, typical group of girls style. Some of the Doctor's friends were in town that weekend too. They were staying at the Palms. On the last day, we decided it would be nice and relaxing to grab a daybed at the pool there and hangout. A couple hundred dollars later we were partying in the Real World suite. His friends had rented the suite for while they were there.

 The drinking didn't stop....an hour or two later we realize that my sister was lost. LOL well not really, she was just passed out, so the plan was to let her rest in the confessional room, and I would be back to get her after I packed etc. She ended up waking up and catching a cab back to our casino while I was out at the last bar for the night with Ally, we got up so early to catch our flight home, It was dreadful flight but we made it back to Nashville in one piece. The Doctor was also traveling so much, a couple weeks had went by since I saw him last and then it all hit me. One night we laid there talking and with all respect to him we were finally honest with each other that all though we enjoyed the comfort of the familiarity that we brought to each other it just wasn't something that was meant to be during that time in our lives and we slowly faded. I was OK, that morning as I watched the sunrise over Nashville. I was home, I had a job now, I got to take my little sister to Vegas for the first time and I rekindled some great old friendships. It felt good to see my summer come to a close and as Labor Day rolled around I had a door that I had closed for months reopen, that sent me into a tailspin.

.:XOXO TMARIE:.

.:Wild West:.

As we hit the black top in our drop top, I enjoyed the wind racing through my hair, snapping photos of the barren desert mountains exploding with beautiful bright burnt reds, oranges, and browns that paint this rustic feel across the terrain. With out a care in the world and with a great friend who listened to all my what seems like youthful boy nonsense drama, it was a great little road trip to help me appreciate the unbelievable things in life that people once thought was impossible- The Hoover Dam. 

I remember driving over the Arizona State line and just staring out and looking at this massive man made fortress and really appreciating that someone with this idea believed in themselves enough to build such an amazing piece of architecture and now historical American attraction. 

It was a such beautiful day. The Sun sat high in the sky, gently kissing my skin, and leaving it a golden color that glistened just like the naturally bronzed surroundings. 

I've always had much appreciation for architecture, and have been somewhat fascinated with it. This was just so amazing, as I stared off into the distance, I was marveled at what was protected by this giant structure. I thought about things in my life that I had built a wall to protect. I also remembered the things I couldn't change and noted the things that I could. To walk along the bridge reflecting on things and just enjoy being alive knowing that I checked something off my buck-list was a satisfying feeling. I was utterly content with my life that day. The travel back to the city was so much fun. It was somewhat of a scavenger hunt for all things desert. One thing I definitely was on the hunt for was a cactus! YES! a Cactus, I know it seems silly but until this point in my life, as I recall, I had never seen one before. 

I scanned the land as we drove into Boulder City and I was disappointed that there were none in sight. Then all of a sudden, in the front of a bank stood this large cactus. I was overly excited. I almost jumped out of the car! It was symbol of strength. I photographed with the one of the strongest plants to live. Somehow in the barren desert this magnificent plant fights for its survival eventually adapting and overcoming the unfavorable circumstances for growth. In my own similarities, I too was fighting and overcoming my surroundings that were holding me back from, not from physical growth, but mental, spiritual, and emotional growth.

 The next thing we stumbled upon was a beautiful garden. It was a very unique garden, full of wonderful colors and flowers that would forever be in bloom. It was a garden that would never die in the desert. I was amazed at the beauty and art that surrounded me as I walked along a small path through flowers that stood as tall as me. I wish that I could have brought one home. 

Our next scavenger find was a historic train station. Although the museum was closed we still stopped for a small photo op, and a little history lesson. The Nevada Southern Railroad museum is located on the tracks that were installed to support the construction of the Hoover Dam. It was pretty neat to see the locomotives on display and to read the history of this small city that lead to the success of the Hoover Dam. At the end of the day, as dark approached, we could see the city of neon lights up ahead. 

When I got back to my room, I was quick to upload all my pictures from the days events. It had turned out to be a great day for my inner self, relaxing yet adventurous. The night promised to be just as adventurous when I met up with local friends for cocktails. We had a pretty good sized group going out that night with us. I didn't know some of them, but we became friends. It was a long night but the girls and I had a great time!!

The next day was just as long....LOL we definitely paid for our partying the night before. I dont think Megan and I got out of bed until 3 or 4. We just laid there misserable and laughing at the funny things that we saw and did going from bar to bar the night before. For instance....not getting in til 6 am turning on the hot tub to soak our feet because of all the walking we were doing in our 4 inch heels!
We grubbed down on some room service later that day when our bodies were feeling up to digesting food. It was still a little difficult to get it down.  After finally getting up and eating, it was time for a Mani & Pedi to prep for the next few days in LA. I definitely needed it after the night before, my feet enjoyed the attention. I got back, ate again, and began packing for my flight to LA. Next stop was LaLa Land....I was pretty excited to see Rachel and Michelle. That was truely the only reason I was going. I wanted to my girls trip to continue. This vacation was something that was most needed at this time.




.:XOXO TMARIE:.

.:Spring Fever:.

Well now that things slowed down for a week or two, I was able to plan my next moves. Between my travels and the "Dr.'s" travels it was hard to get time together but we made it work as much as we could. He was sparking an interest in my eye, and keeping my attention. Dinner dates, and late nights cuddled on the couch watching TV, reading our books and listening to his inner DJ were awesome building blocks to a new relationship. This was something I wasn't quite sure that I wanted just yet; but I didn't let the uncertainty keep me from the possibilities of having an interest in someone new. From my past, the things I had endured in previous months, I had came to the realization that it was time to move on with my life. Ironically, just as how it should be Trae text me. He said that I had received some mail at his house.

He knew it was my check from Sofft so he wanted to meet to deliver it to me. I decided that it was OK. We hadn't seen each other since November, so its no surprise I was a little weary and nervous. Our meeting place was on mutual grounds at Melrose pub for lunch on a blissful warm spring Sunday. I had driven by the place several times since it was close to home, but never stopped in. When I walked in, there he was, sitting at the table facing the door waiting for me to come in. He had on his leather motorcycle jacket and his helmet resting on the table next to him. Even with his bad boy style, his sweet smile still made my heart melt. Then I had to speak.

It was a simple "hello, how have you been?" you know the classic awkward sentence that everyone can relate to and I was no different. It was a nice short lunch, catching up and just talking about plans in the near future. Oddly enough when I left I had to remember the things that tore us apart. The things that I hadn't forgiven him for just yet and it reminded me of how far I had come the last few months, and why it was best to accept things the way they were and keep moving forward not looking back. That same night, my soon to be roommate Chris Nathan had a show at Bluebar.  It was the first time my parents were to meet him and my sister to see him play.

Things ended up not working out with Erin as a new roommate so I posted in a last minute need for someone to move in on Facebook and Chris was the first to respond. I actually didn't mind the fact that we were going to have a guy roomie. I actually felt a little safer with that. My parents seemed to give the approval after that night. And things were finalized for the move at the end of  March. I remember the week before I left for Vegas and LA, I saw the "Dr." a few times....was he really beginning to be on my mind frequently? Was I honestly ready for this? Or maybe I was getting Spring Fever?? Well, as I was packing for my vacation I was consumed with all the questions filling my mind of him....not to mention the decisions on what to pack for my trip.

It was tricky trying to get everything in one bag I was definitely was going to need a miracle. Although I found my solution for over packing, I wasn't able to come up with the answers my conscious was seeking about my new interest the "Dr." The next thing I knew it was time to board the jet plane headed west for the week. I was so ready and so excited to see Rachel and Michelle and everyone from the Playboy Golf family in a few days. As I flew off into the sunset, I remember dosing off and thinking to myself that I was going to miss him this week. I touched down in the "City of Sin" so exhausted from the 4hour flight.

The only thing that was on my mind was food and sleep. I had a busy next day. I decided to have dinner with my friend who was in town as well. We ate at this yummy place in Caesar's Palace called MESA Grill, brought to you by famous chef Bobby Flay. Dinner was absolutely exquisite. I remember I had the New Mexican Spice Rubbed Pork Tenderloin, one of the original classic entrees. The dish was prepared with Bourbon- Ancho Chile sauce, a sweet potato tamale and crushed pecan butter, that just melted in your mouth. The blend of flavors and spices were just amazing. After a full belly it was time for sleep. We had and early day. I wanted to go to see Hover Dam. Of all the times I have been to Vegas I never really enjoyed the tourist sight seeing and tomorrow promised a beautiful day for the ride out to Hoover.

The next morning I woke up nice and early refreshed from the long flight the night before. I got in touch with some local friends to see what the plans were for the evening and I got ready for the day and  headed off to meet my friend for brunch. It was good to reconnect with friends and catch up. I was enjoying my stay so far. Brunch was fun, and hilarious with all the food I could put down. But dessert was the best part! They had all of these little mini desserts, and it was so hard to stop with just one! After brunch we headed to get the car for the ride out to Hoover. It was such amazing weather for the day and I was excited!!

.:XOXO TMARIE:.

~Vegas Thanksgiving~

That night as I packed my things to go over to Trae's I was excited to see the family soon. I was hopelessly wanting this to mend our relationship. This time away from everyone here. When I arrived to his house the night before we chilled and watched TV. It was an early morning for us, we were flying on Thanksgiving morning, bright and early.

This was my first time ever away from my family for the holiday so it was a bit different. We woke up close to the time we were supposed to leave. We barely made it on our flight. But at least we made it. Next stop was Salt Lake City for our layover. We made it there for our 3 hour layover, which we spent most of the time watching football in one of the pubs in the airport. Like I mentioned before this was one of my favorite things to do with him.

A sharing little bit of food, a little bit of beer, and a game of football to watch sounded like a perfect layover to me! It was good to see him smile. That was one of my favorite things about him and his laugh. We we finally landed in Vegas and we were starving! We needed to unpack for the weekend and I was ready for a shower and to get ready for dinner. I thought we had plans somewhere for dinner but these two didn't make a reservation thinking it would be easy to get in somewhere. Well that wasn't the case, and the only thing on their minds was poker. So they did a quick change and headed  down to the tables while I got ready. When I met them down in the casino, we tried to figure out what we wanted to do. I haven't been anywhere but home for Thanksgiving so I was bit lost other than I wanted, you know the usual feast. So we chose the Buffet, not thinking it would take the line long to move, well needless to say we were wrong.

We spent two long hours of our night waiting to eat!! This was crazy! It was time well spent though. We made friends with a mother and daughter who took this trip together every year. They were so sweet, two hours later our table for 3 became a table for 5. That's what Thanksgiving was about, making friends, giving, and sharing thanks for what we had in this world. It was a joyful dinner full of laughter and stories we shared with our new friends. Although I was finally happy to eat I wasn't feeling very well. So after dinner I went to the room to sleep and the guys played poker. I was ready for everyone else to get in town though. The next day I spent shopping with Trae, he let the girl at Sephora talk me into red lipstick, we bought wine for the evening in.

We decided there was no need to go out since it was just us two. Which was fine to me, I wanted the alone time with him. When everyone arrived the next day, it was a day of gambling. Blackjack, Poker, Sports book, slots...this family definitely loved to play and bet. After watching the games that evening in the Sports book, we couldn't decide what to do, so the plan was to take me to Old Town, where the original Las Vegas strip was. I was so excited, of all the times I had been to Vegas I hadn't gone down to see this. The lights, the people, the cold weather, bundled up next to Trae as we walked was an evening unforgettable.

We even sat and played dollar blackjack with the addicted.  After we left, Trae went back to the poker tables and Troy and I played blackjack, we bonded that night I think. As he was having problems with Julie, we could relate on opposite terms with our relationships. It was good talking with him. Learning things I never knew. Well the weekend was over and we were getting up the next morning to fly back home. I was sad to leave, because I would be going back home to my harsh reality. That this was maybe only just a dream a glimer of hope that this could bring back together. I was soon to find out it wasn't.

.:XOXO TMARIE:.



Everything is So Neon

Graduation Celebration!! Its crazy how many places I have been the past few months, but this was different...Rachel was taking her first steps in the "City of Sin" aka Las Vegas, NV and I was along for the ride. Flying in I tried to take a nap so I could be prepared for the events that were ahead of me upon touchdown.

When we landed at the airport our limo was there waiting on us, fully loaded with adult beverages, and I was already about 17hrs into my day. This was going to be a long night! We made our trek across the desert to our oasis at the brand new M Resort. This was located off the strip which actually was quite nice to retreat back to after a long evening. Our casino was beautiful, and we checked into a gorgeous suite with a panoramic view of the Vegas strip. So Rachel and I did what we do best and took over the room with clothes thrown everywhere, and make up and curling irons all over the bathroom....

Haha it was the best. After getting dolled up we headed down to meet some friends and play a little card game called blackjack :) The evening was off to a great start. We won a little money and grabbed our driver for the weekend to take us to the Strip. I could feel the rush of excitement flow through my veins...or wait? was that the adrenaline for the 5 hour energy drinks??? Oh well either way I was excited and ready!!

As we approached the strip the Famous words of Rachel were spoken "Everything is so NEON" We went to meet up with friends at Vanity for the first stop of evening, it was over to Surrender....bottles were popping, drinks were flowing....and a little fist pump action was taking place...YEP this is Vegas. Working up to hour 24  we called the driver to take us back to our casino...it was time for a late night snack or meal!!  haahaha. Oh good times, and long hallways. The next morning consisted of  breakfast, bloodymarys and picking a swimsuit. Oh wait that was taken care of by our lovely friends at SYRUP SWIMWEAR.

We met up with everyone from last night to head over to Wet Republic where we had a cabana.

This place was insanely packed full of people with the least amount of clothing as possible. We chilled out most of the day, and enjoyed the scenery as most of you would. It took us a good bit to get on the level of drinking again after the night before but with it in front us ....it was very tempting. These boys could put down come goose. After being here for a while we kinda had money on our minds and was ready to skip out to go play some more...or shopping either way the day was almost over.

So we headed to the casino to change and get ready for dinner and gamble a little. We had plans to eat a the steakhouse in our casino for the evening and gamble, we were going to go out for a bit but had chosen not to because we wanted to play cards. Well as we sat down for dinner and I ordered a glass of wine I realized I didn't have my camera or ID or debit card, I had left them at Wet Republic. So needless to say I was freaking out!!! I didn't know where anything was, how I was going to get on the plane the next day, how I was going to "drink" that last night or hell even party for that matter. I called everyone we where with and no one was answering, probably because they were passed out.

 But later after dinner I finally got a call back and one of the boys had picked up my things and told us to meet them at Bank that night so I could get it from them....OH Sigh of RELIEF!! The next morning we got up and packed, left out a few crucial things for the day because our flight left around 6ish. So we had plenty of time to go to REHAB that day. We headed down to the lobby to get our driver to take us awayyyyyyyy in a what?? we looked at each other and smiled as we stepped into Maybach....this car was awesome!!

 The line for Rehab we insane! Thank goodness we didn't have to wait that long, cabanas on deck beside the DJ booth. It was party time! Our last chance for desert sun and alcohol. Once we got in, I found my nice little spot on the daybed to catch some rays. Rehab was pretty amazing the music was great!!! and it was a sea of people that weekend.

We danced like crazy and as the day grew closer to our flight, we were being talked into postponing our flight til the next day so we could all go watch the Lakers playoff game....oh how tempting it was. But it wasn't possible. Sooooo we pushed the envelope to the latest moment we could to leave...we made it to taxi lane in our swimwear and grabbed a cab. I ended up changing in the cab and we rushed through the airport to our terminal and grabbed food, LOL lots of food from Sabarro pizza. I mean you woulda thought we were feeding 4 people. YEP 2 drunk girls at a pizza place after a day in a bikini...#fatkidsatheart. Well it was wheels up, eyes closed, belly's full....and good bye Sin City until next time.....Operation Graduation Celebration = COMPLETE!

.:XOXO TMARIE:.

Playboy Golf Vegas

It was sooo early in the morning and we had to be ready to leave the casino at like 930 am for the golf course...and getting to bed by 4 am from the previous night made it extremely hard! Somehow we managed to function early enough to catch the last bus going to the golf course. It was the calm before the storm when we arrived at the golf course...They assigned us to a tee box we were gona be at all day.

I was so excited, because Trae had taken me to the driving range while I was home so that I could start learning how to play...And with starting to take lessons, I really wanted to go warm up with some of the guys on the driving range....I went over there and hit a few good balls it was so fun! I learned a couple other techniques as well. So once everyone was assigned we all headed out to the course. I was really enjoying the day, the weather was beautiful....I mean that perfect breeze and sunshine that you expect for a day of golf. 

Playmates and I

I do believe that the guys had an awesome time...everyone was so nice and friendly out sponsor was amazing...we didn't have alcohol on our tee, but we had it delivered kindly from golfers passing through. The Playmates were so awesome as well...We all got along like a family...it was definitely one of the best golf outings I had been on other than of course the finals in LA. Once the day was over we loaded the buses up and headed back to the Monte Carlo. 

Mike and OJ our AZ Cards Boys

We had been drinking all day and cutting up with our boys from the AZ Cardinals that we decided to run up and change and head out with them for more drinks...we all went next door to the City Center to walk around and hangout...Later that evening we had dinner plans with Ajay the CEO of Playboy Golf and John from  the Monte Carlo, and a few other friends before the awards ceremony... We all made our way after dinner to the party and after that it was time to celebrate, gamble, and drink! 

Our friends won the tournament...and it was GO time...we were having a great time until things started getting weird...I was really wanting to play some cards, but it just wasn't the right atmosphere...And this girl with us wasn't quite getting the picture still, that we didn't want her around...she didn't know how to handle herself or act appropriately, and we were sharing a room with her which made it weird. 

So we packed up our stuff and snuck out!! YES! we did some black ops work on sneaking out of the hotel without her knowing, we had previously over heard her talking wrongly about Shayna which made it all the more while for us to bounce without notice...we had the cab take us to my friend's suite at Caesar's buttttt my dumbass left something in the room that I needed so I had to go back, only this time it was wayyyyy easier sneaking out because I didn't have luggage. Once everything was settled, we headed down to gamble a little...but it wasnt our night, or my friends he took a pretty bad hit losing pretty hard. 

So we headed to the little cafe for a quick bite before bed and to our excitement we see people taking pictures around the main lobby fountain...it was a guy who stripped down naked swimming laps around the fountain....hahaha all of sudden he jumps up and runs out of the casino naked, LMAO he left his clothes in a pile on the floor....then we see him run back in for them, (Idiot) I guess he realized he didn't have them on...UMM can we say "drunk dare"...the next thing we know he is trying to put his jeans back on, but can't seem to get them up and busts his ass on the marble floor because he slips....haha this was the funniest thing I had ever seen...by that time security and LVPD had caught up to him and as he was resisting arrest they slammed him back on the ground, although it seemed as if he agreed to get up, he then tried to run, 

baaaahahaha, yeh right! this fool was caught in a millisecond...all we could hear as the were trying to handcuff him was "Don't taze me bro, Don't taze me bro" and the people in the lobby chanting "LET HIM GO! LET HIM GO"....Needless to say this idiot was headed to jail and with no friends to be found LMAO, It was definitely an eventful end to an eventful day...but HEY,  That's Vegas for you!