.:One and Only:.

The Change I had hoped for, I soon would find out was not the one that I got this January. As we started the new year fresh, we still brought things from before along through the mud. After New Years, I made it my Resolution to Fight against the thoughts of mistrust and doubt that consumed my mind; and really look toward a new day, a new year for me. Things at home were becoming somewhat challenging because there was talk of when our lease was up what were we going to do? I loved that house we lived in for the last year. I learned a lot about myself there, until the day all that comfort was taken away from me.

 I will never forget that day. I was sitting at my office and I got a phone call from my neighbors who happened to be home that afternoon. They told me "I'm sorry to tell you this, but your house was broke into, and they stole a lot of stuff. We saw the kids running down the ally with a TV and called the cops."  I immediately went into panic mode, emotions ran over me. I had so many questions, were my dogs ok? Was Chris home? How did they get in? Etc.... It was emotions that I had never felt before, feelings that I never knew existed.

 I was angry, re-leaved, yet scared all at once. When I finally got home the cops were parked outside my house. They said that they had caught the kids.  As I walked up the stoop my sister said "I don't think you are prepared for this" and she was right I wasn't. Tears began to fill my eyes as I walked through the door into my empty cold living room. The further back I walked the colder it got. My poor babies were still in their kennel staring at a gaping hole in our back window, that a huge rock had shattered a few hours before. They were shivering and scared, but I was so happy that they were unharmed. Trae came to our rescue that night and helped board up the window to keep the heat in as the snow began to fall. Once he left, I was so overwhelmed. I started looking for a new place to move to. I didn't want to be there anymore. I was a little angry with Trae for not staying with me that night, but he ensured that we would be Ok. 

It was just my lack of feeling the security of my home that I wanted him there, better yet needed him there.  Everything I had worked so hard for in the last year was taken from me. My sense of security, and my privacy violated. But I couldn't leave my sister there all alone. Chris didn't even stick around long enough to help clean up the glass, that disappointed me to somewhat degree. We cuddled up in my bed that night and attempted to go to sleep. It was a long night. I finally managed to fall asleep around 3am.  In the mix of all things like this going on, two days later I was to be throwing a bachelorette party for Tamara. Things got all messed up after the break-in but we still managed to have a great night.She was so suprised that we pulled it together lastminute with the changes that happened. All the girls pitched in for a limo that night for her.  I was so happy that she wanted me to be a part of her special day.  It meant the world to me. I had moved on to happy thoughts a few days after the break-in and I began looking towards moving into a new home and prepping for Chris and Tamara's wedding day, all the while really thinking about Trae. 

Being involved with the wedding those next couple weeks had my mind racing. I was trying to suppress the wedding bug. I looked at him in a way I could never imagine looking at anyone else. In those moments lost in my thoughts I would turn on Adele's CD 21 and listen to track 9 "one and only" I felt the words to this song almost to the point of bringing tears to my eyes thinking about him and wondering how he felt everyday, wondering if he could forget the past and look forward. It was something I could only hope for. It was what I was trying to do. But he seemed so far away. I could tell he began to withdrawal feelings and time from me, but I didn't know why. He told me things were fine and not to worry. So I did just that. Then it was wedding day. Julie came over that morning to do my hair, and we were supposed to be at the church hours before the ceremony. Carly and I helped line the isle with decorations while we waited for the guests to arrive.

 Since I was part of the wedding Trae came with my sister. He told me he didn't feel so well when I greeted him on the sidewalk. I felt bad, and a little selfish for wanting him there with me. The ceremony was held at Scarritt Bennett Center one of my favorite wedding venues in Nashville because of the history and elegance of the Wightman Chapel. For the longest time I had dreamed of Trae standing at the end of the isle here as I walked my last single steps in life. It was simply a beautiful place, a place for hope, a place I could still dream of that day possibly happening. That day was filled with so much love, happiness, joy and excitement for Chris and Tamara. To See Chris so Happy as he watched his beautiful bride walk towards him brought joy to my heart. 

It was something that he truly deserved and that happiness was what she provided him. The love, strength and loyalty that only one other person in this world could give you, was who she was to him. After the ceremony we all headed over to Sambuca to celebrate with family and friends. Trae ended up leaving early because he didn't feel well, but I at least got a dance out of him. I was a little frustrated that he was leaving me there alone. I knew he didn't feel well, but I didn't want to leave my friends just yet. I felt obligated to be there. I was being selfish and I knew I was, but this was a once in a lifetime evening for one of my dearest and oldest friends. I only wish he would have stuck it out a little longer that night. Then maybe things would have been different the next few days. But instead they took a turn south. 

.:XOXO TMARIE:.

The Big Easy

We loaded the cooler down with snacks for the road, packed the car, and headed south late on December 29. We drove all through the night. I was the first to drive, so I could take a nap before getting into New Orleans since I have never been there, I wanted to be able to look around instead of focusing on driving.  After driving for a few hours, we made the switch. I fell asleep while it was still a little dark. Trae and my sister had been ranting about this book the Hunger Games. So when I woke he played the audibles book for me to get started on the book. We listened to the book for a few hours, then as we approached the bridge and could see the skyline ahead of New Orleans it was time to navigate to our hotel in the French Quarter. I'm usually designated as the navigator and Trae the driver on our roads trips once we have reached our destinations, since he is the better driver.
The city streets were crazy busy, construction took us a different way than our map but we still arrived at our hotel safely. The Chateau Dupre....we looked right at each other and said, "hmmmm this is it?" It was a small little Inn with painted brick, a small lobby and old corridors. The website describes it as Luxury.  LMAO, I said, "you sure you want to stay here?" We both collectively agreed it was illogical that we would be able to find somewhere else since it was New Years Eve and he wasn't going to be able to get a refund for this room, so we sucked it up and made the best of it. Heck we weren't going to be in the room very long anyways. Now, the street our hotel was on was so small, we literally had to park in the street to check-in. It was the strangest uncomfortable feeling with my new car to do that.

 So we teamed up and he checked in as I unloaded the car quickly on to the rack. Then he went to go find parking. Our Hotel was on the south side of the French Quarter. They didn't have parking so we had to find a lot for my car for the next two days.  When he got back he said it was a fiasco but he found one that looked pretty safe, it was about 3 blocks from our hotel. Once we were checked-in and unloaded everything to the room, we were ready to explore. I couldn't wait! We walked all around the French Quarter that day. It was so blissful. This city became my favorite city in the USA. I loved the culture, I loved the blues, the people, the food, the drinks and just how laid back the city was. We had  a simple dinner that evening on Bourbon Street. Oh it was so delicious! I have much love for Red Beans and Rice, and shrimp, and Trae wanted duck.  When I ordered the shrimp appetizer I had NO idea it was gona come out looking like real shrimp! Heads and all! EWW he had to help me eat them, because I was a little freaked out. We enjoyed the dinner, and watching the people pass by sipping on our BlueMoon. It was perfect.
 Since It was early still, we headed back to change clothes and decided lets do the night on Bourbon, so we were shocked that depending on what time it was we could get 3for1s! Oh my it was crazy but we loved it. I loved him. I loved it being the two of us. I couldn't do this with anyone else. He was my best friend, and all we needed was each other. I was so happy looking into eyes, watching him sing the music that was around us, and dancing free spirited around him. We stayed out late that night and I was so tired. I didn't want to walk all the way back because my feet were hurting LOL, so he grabbed me a bike cabby and we went up to bed. The next morning we slept in pretty long, but still had time to get brunch down near the French Market.

This cool little indoor/outdoor flea market. After walking around all afternoon his Dad sent us on a mission for Beignets and coffee. And we found a cute little place in the Quarter. They were really good, but really tasted like funnels cakes I use to eat as a kid at the fair. Later that afternoon we went up to the room to nap before dinner. It was New Years Eve, the last few hours of a year that I learned so much about myself, my friends, my family, and the love I truly felt for Trae. I was so happy that I was spending those last few memories of that year with him. As we started getting ready I remember thinking how I was so excited to wear my mask, to see the fireworks and to kiss him at midnight, in the streets filled with people from all over the world who came here to celebrate the new year also. The city had shut down Decatur street for the night for pedestrians which was great because that was the street our hotel was on, so we walked down to a little restaurant just within distance of Jackson Square where later we would countdown the seconds to 2012. The line to get in the restaurant was pretty long, but we got there just in time.
 There were about 6 people ahead of us 4 of which just from small talk about my mask we found out were from the Nashville/ Tullahoma area. Once they were seated, the hostess came out to get us and ironcally we were seated right beside them. We decided to push our tables together and embrace that we had made some new friends. One of the things I love about Trae and I is that we just go with flow, we can talk to just about anyone. The 2 couples we met were so cool, we had mutual friends in the Nashville area. After dinner Trae and I headed back to the room for me to get something really quick, and then we ran into them at a little mask shop just a few stores down from dinner. We decided it would be fun to hangout the 6 of us. As we continued our walk to Jackson Square, people on the balconies that lined the street were throwing beads to those walking down below as if it were Mardi Gras. So the girls and I said what the heck if they are just throwing why not go get some. HAHA, we had so many beads after that, I was almost knocked out by some actually. It was pretty hilarious. We had our drinks, cigars, and were taking pictures standing in the middle of the street surrounded by thousands of people until we began to hear the countdown.

 Then it was a slow 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2- HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Followed by the most perfect kiss that blocked out the sounds of horns, people cheering and confetti blowing in the breeze around us, like I was in bubble protected from all things around me. And when I opened my eyes, I came to, I could hear all things around me and looking at him I just smiled and said "I love you." It was a perfect New Years Eve. It definitely was the best one I've ever spent with my best friend and the love of my life. After the countdown we all walked over to Bourbon Street for some music and dancing at our favorite place from those few days "Howl at the Moon" A dueling piano bar til early into the morning hours. Exhausted as we all were, we said our good byes hoping to see each other sometime in Nashville. That ride home was a long one the next day. I was so tired. Trae drove most of the way back until we reached Birmingham for a pit stop. I had pretty much finished the first Hunger Games book as we rolled into Nashville. I didn't want to be home yet. I didn't want the weekend to end. Everything was so perfect, and I was afraid of change now that we were back to reality.
XOXO.:TMARIE:.