Moving Day- one of the hardest days of my life as I recall. Where to begin....Well when the day started it was so unrealistic that this was happening. I thought to myself "am I dreaming..and if I am someone please wake me from this nightmare" I didnt want this to happen. I remember moving everything and unloading the mutliple trips across town. He was kind enough to help with some of the move, because my Dad was unable to at the time. It was a long weekend.
I remember reaching out to Heather who was there to help me unload and unpack everything, it was a shopping extravaganza with a lot of wine involved. I couldn't believe I was getting back on my on two feet. I had a little help with a Playboy Golf Trip to Biloxi...lets just say it was enough winnings to buy a car! So that helped furnish my new apartment. I was very fortunate that I was a Lady Luck that weekend! My first weekend consisted of furniture shopping :) and I love to shop for home goods so that was fun for me. 
It helped take my mind off of reality. Even with all my new things my place still felt empty. It was't home, and far from what I was used to. I missed the ruckus around our house. I missed the personality of our home. Things just werent the same. One of my first Saturday nights I stayed in and babysat my two little bundles of joy for Heidi. It was a slumber party. They could always make me smile. I spoiled the boys. Malachi and I stayed up late watching sports and eating pizza. It was so much fun. They filled my place with little bits of laughter. But once they left the next day, it was back to the cold, silent place of darkness. 
I tried making things work with Trae after moving out. We did this because he said he couldnt work things out with me living with him. Little did I know I was setting this up for disaster. The expectations between us were so high it was almost unreachable. There were countless nights of un-returned phone calls, disappointment, regret, and unconditional love, that made me sit and wait and let things like this happen to me. 
Lying alone at night wondering if he was missing me as much as I missed him. I became really close with Julie, over this period of time. She knew Trae and Troy, almost better than I did. It was easy for us to relate to one another and help pull ourselves out of the troubles we faced with them. One bitter cold night I had plans with Trae and he let me down. I went out for drinks and ended up in huge fight at 2 am with him. This was the end of the road I thought. I took the dogs with me that night and thought my life was completely over with him. I was pissed that he had lied to me about what he was doing. It wasn't necessary, technically we weren't together and all I wanted was honesty. I didn't care if it hurt my feelings. I just wanted the truth. I guess the truth was he didn't want to hurt my feelings, he wanted space. We didn't speak for a few days.
Most of my nights last Fall consisted of overly drinking my sorrows away, and pretending I was happy, but my truth was I was utterly and completely miserable and dying on the inside. Then one day out of the blue we were talking again. We made plans for Thanksgiving with his family and still tried to work on things. I wasn't exactly ready for the Holidays coming around the corner though. It was the end of October, the weather was changing colder and so was I.
.:XOXO TMARIE:.
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